In the Heart of my Home

{This Moment}

(Photo credit: Zach, Patrick's roomate, who made me laugh until I cried yesterday. This is Patrick.

Worth a thousand words.)

Happy Birthday, Patrick!

This is the first time I've been away from one of my children on a birthday. Michael went to college nearby and it was fairly simple to meet up to celebrate. It's a strange feeling not to see Paddy today. The day comes 'round and I can't help but remember. I have a much better memory of the day he was born than Patrick does, actually. And I probably remember his first and second birthday better, too. Oh, the second birthday! I was nine months pregnant with Mary Beth and Paddy had emergency microscopic surgery because he sliced through his hand on the computer (long story). 

He's the boy with the Guardian Angel Birthday. Sledgehammers falling on his head just glance off and leave the smallest of scars.

Even the birthday he spent away from us--his 16th, living in Florida with the U-17 National Team--we got there. It was crazy good to see him, but he was so homesick, so sad. This year, we sent cookies to Charlottesville with his dad last night and we'll see him play on Friday. He's not nearly so homesick and he sounds pretty happy. Still, here I am with my memories, missing my boy. Facebook keeps prompting us to send him coffee. 'Twould go nicely with his cookies, but I think the resident cookie-baker has already done that today. 

No, I think there's really nothing more to send than prayers heavenward--for God's protection and for His blessing. And prayers of thanksgiving for the gift that is Patrick.

{this moment--or two}

Read all about it here.

Patrick Leaves for College Today

The last time a child left for college, I allowed myself  to be very vulnerable online in the days that immediately followed. I mused aloud, did a lot of soul searching, took a long look at homemaking and mothering and home education up to that point. I left my heart bare. It was probably one of the worst mistakes I've ever made. I doubt I'll ever fully recover and I know I'll never do that again.

I know now that there are some people who will never understand the enormity of such transitions in a wholehearted household, particularly in the soul of a woman. They will never understand how a mother's heart and home are not fair game, especially at a tender time.

And I know that there are kindred spirits who understand without words.

For those dear friends, I'm very grateful.

 

So. Here goes. The leaving-to-college post.

Goodbyes don't seem to get easier for me. If anything, knowing how this whole off-to-college thing can play out makes goodbye harder. I really like our family life, so change doesn't come without a huge struggle. Patrick, however, has said goodbye previously; we've had a bit of a practice. And we have a good coping strategy. Last time, Mary Beth made a slideshow for him. The plan this time was to update the slideshow (particularly to include Hilary), but I have just discovered that all the pictures from the first time (and from most of the last 3 years of family life), carefully saved on an external hard-drive, are now inaccessible. And since that is way too much emotional overload for me to process today, I'm just going to re-run the old slideshow. The sentiments are all the same. We love this boy so much and our "wish" is really a fervent prayer.

Paddy is so ready to take on the world. And he is going to both bless and be blessed by the University of Virginia and that sweet place of heaven-on-earth called Charlottesville. It's going to be amazing!

Your prayers for him are very much appreciated.

Hilary, tea time is at 2:00 and the girlies are so looking forward to having you with them this afternoon! It's all good. God's got this.

Let the Recovery Begin

Thank you all so much for your prayers and your kind notes. 

A few seconds after this photo was taken, Patrick tore his MCL. He was very, very fortunate to come away with his meniscus and his ACL intact. He asks me to point out how well muscled and fit that leg is;-).

Thankfully, he does not appear to require surgery. He is looking with hope towards a summer of healing and plans to be back on the pitch before the fall.

We are all so appreciative of your kindness and concern. 

Let's Just Say He Put His Best Foot Forward

 

When this little boy was growing up, I'd frequently have to call him back to the table or remind him to pick up a book. And I was always asking him not to kick around things that weren't really meant to be kicked. The refrain was, "Paddy, you can't kick your way into college." 

He'd smile and wink and his eyes would  twinkle, Oh yes I can.

And he did.

After carefully considering colleges from all over the country, after visiting nearly every school in the ACC, after thinking hard about the Ivy League possibilities, Patrick made a decision.

And since I'm his mom and I rarely get to write sports press releases, (and I actually get to scoop ESPN today), I'm going to offer you the press release, with some links they're not likely to include;-).

 

Patrick Foss, ranked #16 in the country on ESPN's list of Top 150 Recruits for 2013 has committed today to attend the University of Virginia in Charlottesville.  Patrick is a homeschooled junior who plans to graduate high school in December of 2012 and begin his studies at UVa in January 2013. His soccer career thus far has been quite a journey.

He could kick a soccer ball before he was really walking. He'd hold onto the couch and give it a go. He begged his way onto Christian's team when he was really too young to play and he's made a mark ever since.

Patrick spent his sophomore year in Bradenton, Florida as a fulltime member of the US U-17 National Team Residency Program. He ranked top in his class academically.

He is currently a member of the DC United Youth Academy and has played exceptionally well on the Reserve Team. While at DC United, his side won the SUM Cup in 2010. When he traveled with the U-17 squad to to the 2011 AEGON/AJax Future Cup in Amsterdam, he was the Golden Boot Winner (the player who scored the most goals in the tournament).

He was a member of the Virginia Olympic Development Team from 2005-2009 and was selected captain of the side in 2009.

As a homeschooled freshman playing for Leesburg Christian Academy, he led the Lions to a Virginia State Championship and was named ODACS State MVP.

He played for the Herndon Real Juniors from 2003-2010, captaining the team to the Number 1 youth soccer ranking in the United States. The Juniors captured an unprecedented 5 National Capital Soccer league Division 1 titles and won the State Cup in 2009.

 

 

Don't ever tell Paddy he can't. 

Oh yes he can.

We're  ever so pleased to see him embrace the opportunity the next chapter presents. He's made a wise decision and we couldn't be happier for him.

Intentional Weekend: Going Home

We took a quick trip to Charlottesville this weekend. Yesterday, Mike, Patrick, and I toured the University of Virginia and spent a good deal of time with the soccer coaching staff. Awesome place; I'd go there in a heartbeat;-). Paddy spent the night in the dorms. Mike and I went back to my dad's and Barbara's to hang out with them and the little siblings. We actually kicked back for awhile. I left the camera home and almost instantly regretted it. Katie captured these shots on Mike's cell phone.

 

 ~ a little surfing~

~a little knitting~

~we have the same toys at home but they seem better here, somehow~

 

~a birthday celebration for the 6 kids who have birthdays this month~

~ a yummy dinner (and leftovers for breakfast)~

 

We're heading home, all our ACC visits finished now. Paddy has some prayerful discerning to do. But, oh, how amazing, the opportunities this sport continues to offer him!

A child who's born on the Sabbath day...

Our dear friend Fr. Bob tells the story of the day Patrick was born. "I looked out into the congregation just before the Consecration and noticed you were not in your usual places. And I thought to myself that a very special baby must be greeting the world." 

As it turned out, that was exactly when Patrick was born. 

Seventeen years ago.

Happy, happy birthday to the dear boy who is everything the old rhyme promised us.

 

 

Patrick Reflects on Soccer So Far

About a week ago, my mom was asked by one of her readers if I would write guest post on her blog about how to achieve the success that I have in soccer. My first thought was, “why me?”  Then I thought about the year I’ve had and I realized that I’ve become a role model to young players. That’s a very cool, very scary feeling. So here it is: the keys to my success in soccer so far.

I’ve played soccer since I could walk, kicked anything and everything I came across that resembles a ball and I’ve watched countless games. I don’t remember choosing soccer, but rather it seems to have always been part of me. To this day, about twice a year, my dad asks me flat out, “Do you want to play soccer anymore?” My response has always been "yes" and I can’t see myself not playing any time soon. That brings me to my first key to success: I love to play. 

When I started my soccer career at age 4, playing for the under-6 “Blue Devils,” I couldn’t wait for Saturdays because it was another chance to “make the other team cry.”  Yes you read that right, I loved to make other kids cry. Today as I sit here I have (almost) the same thoughts going through my head. Only a few more days until I get the chance to win. The phrase that comes out of the mouth of youth sports coaches that annoys me most is, “It’s not about winning.” For me, its a little bit about winning; winning on the soccer field, winning in basement hockey, winning in backyard soccer, and even this past year, winning in the classroom. Now I realize that is not the perfect attitude for youth sports and I probably shouldn’t have that mentality; but I do and that is the second key to my success: I’m a competitor.

The third key is something that has always been totally out of my control. I was born with a tremendous amount of God-given talent. Raw talent can take you a long way; I’ve seen it. However, you will most definitely hit a brick wall if you rely on talent alone.  In my very first years of travel soccer, I played with a kid who had even more talent than I did (although I would have never admitted it). We were the ultimate duo-- we won every tournament there is the win in the Washington, D.C. area. It wasn’t so much the winning though; it was how we were winning- nobody could play with our team and we won almost every game by 5 goals or more. That was from U-9 to about U-12. Right now he is a high-school dropout and doesn’t play soccer anymore. So what was the difference between the two of us? I had a huge support system behind me. He didn’t. That may be the most important part of my success. I have parents, siblings, coaches, friends, and one special priest who have pushed me to my limits and told me that if I worked hard I could achieve my dreams.  This was the most important part of my success. Without people who have your back you have no chance at being successful. 

My dream has always been to play in a World Cup and I had a chance to do that this year. I left my family and moved to Bradenton, Florida to train with the under-17 National Team all year in preparation for the U-17 World Cup in Mexico this summer. Last week, they cut the preliminary roster of 28 players down to the 21, who will represent the United States in Mexico in a few weeks. That’s where I was let go. I trained hard all year and in the end, I was told I wasn’t good enough. Bummer. I sat in Bradenton and thought about what to do. I didn’t sit there very long. Reason one: I love to play. Reason two: I am a competitor.

These Moments: Homecoming

Not quite playing along with Amanda this week. (By the way, both Amanda and Ginny have life's most extraordinary moments to share.)

I have several photos on my camera begging to be shared in this space right now, so we're going for the multiple moments of coming home and finding out what has been --err-- unwinding in one's absence.

I cried on the way to the airport. All those trips back and forth--the sendoff, the awesome  visit, the too-short Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks, the sister trip, the Nicky trip, Spain, Brazil, Holland,--all of it played as a montage in my mind. And I was just so glad that this ticket home was a one-way ticket. At least for now.

Sometime in the middle of February or so, I sent Paddy a picture text when we were at Rita's Italian Ice. He'd been telling me about Rita's for years, having had the experience in distant towns. We have one locally now and I wanted to tell him how heartily I agreed with his assessment that it is awesome. The text made him sad. I was instantly sorry I had shared where we were and what we were doing without him. So, I promised we'd go the minute he came home. We went to Rita's directly from the airport.

Pick Up Happiness.

Pretty sure I just did.

At home, Patrick sized up the swift that has taken up nearly permanent residence on the kitchen table. He wanted a demo.

 

After Gracie got home, we settled into our customary knitting time. Patrick wandered in and didn't know quite what to do with himself. So he did what came naturally--the habit that has a long and storied history. He opened the yarn cabinet and took out a "ball." And he juggled it. With his feet. Declared it not round enough.

 {bonus: You can see the laundry that came home with him. We washed quickly because the whole house was overcome with the stink.}

Took out another.

No! I hastened to put an end to that. It's Malabrigo. you can't play with it.

He picked up another ball. Declared it the most superior for juggling purposes. He asked what kind it was.

Silk Merino.

You know, chimed in Nicholas helpfully, like Dan Marino.

Indeed. Just like that.

Grateful and then some.

Tuesdays are my gratitude days. Lately, I've tried to post my grateful list on Tuesdays, after posting a Daybook on Mondays. My life has spun in such a dizzy whirl since Friday that all I can muster this morning is, "um, what day is it?"

It's Tuesday, so I must be grateful.

Let me take you back, mostly without pictures because I've forgotten my camera pretty much all weekend. As my extended family sends me pictures, perhaps I'll add them here. In the meantime, my graduation pictures of my own son are  blurry beyond recognition. I've got a good one of my friend, Ruthie. She glows joy. But it would be sort of odd to put her up here and leave Michael out. Besides, she's on the trip of a lifetime in Europe right now, so I can't even ask if she'd like to be my token graduation picture, beautiful as that would be...

Friday, we celebrated Michael's graduation. Michael has six grandparents--Mike's mom and dad, my mom and stepfather, and my dad and stepmother. They were all there to watch him graduate. How amazing is that? I will admit to goosebumps when Pomp and Circumstance was played, but I didn't cry (everyone around me did). I attribute that to the fact that he really graduated in December and we've already processed it. At the end of graduation, I got a text. As much as I hate people who are tied to their phones, I had left several sick children at home and encouraged Mary Beth to text and let me know how things were. I plead guilty to texting with Michael during graduation, also. It kept things interesting while 1700 names were called. 

The text made me cry. It was Paddy.

Patrick is coming home. The Big Adventure has come to a close. And that long year is over. Really, I'm still processing. And I don't know how much I'll share here. He's healthy (except for a broken foot); he's whole; he's grown in so many ways. And in 4 hours and 13 minutes, he will be home. This was a burst of emotion for which I was not prepared on a weekend that I knew was going to be filled with emotion.

Michael talked to Paddy on our way from graduation to the party and so did I. Mike had insisted several weeks ago that we do the graduation party somehwere that wasn't home. This is definitely a departure from the  usual around here and I was a bit bothered by it, but when we hit upon the idea of having it at the local sushi restaurant, I knew we had a winner. Those good people were nearly excited about Michael's graduation as we were and they were genuinely honored to celebrate it with us. Lunch was awesome; the company wonderful and all was well.

Saturday afternoon, we celebrated my youngest nephew's first communion. It was the most beautiful First Communion I have ever been blessed to witness. Just perfect. After, we returned to my sister-in-law's house for a cookout. It's always a genuine party when the cousins are together. Mike and I scooted out early in order to go home, change clothes and drive across the river to Maryland to celebrate my oldest nephew's Bar Mitvah.

His was a huge party at Congressional Country Club. My sets of parents were there, and my aunts, and a couple hundred other people. My sister is, by far, the most amazing party planner in the world. Sh'ed been working on this one for eighteen months and every moment of that labor showed. She did a beautiful job and Mike and I really enjoyed a rare date night. We went home, slept fast, and then awoke to the regular Sunday activities, plus a seventieth birthday party for my mother.

I do wish I had pictures of that one. My sister's house looked so lovely. Huge and many bouquets of spring's finest flowers stood in the centers of poolside tables clothed in hot pink. Brunch was delicious; the cake--a lovely square confection of chocolate draped with white fondant and wrapped in a huge pink fondant bow--was too pretty to eat. But I hear it tasted as good as it looked. I consoled my wheat-free self with several cup of coffees with whipped cream floating on top, stirred with cinnamon sticks. The kids swam. Mike and I thoroughly enjoyed catching up with favorite friends who were neighbors when I was in high school. And, I dearly love my aunts, so it was nice to have a chance to talk away from the loud band of the previous night. Just before we left, my niece, who is graduating this spring, gifted Mary Beth with an entire high school career's worth of formal dresses--beautiful gowns that have just begun to dance. My mother was very happy and the weekend ended on a good note.

I spent yesterday cleaning--going to my sister's impeccably kept and beautifully decorated house does that to me;-). We thought Patrick would be home at the end of the week. I have this thing about children coming home to clean and orderly homes that look like they are ready for most important guests. i figured we'd take the week to get ready. Around dinnertime, though, he called and casually asked if I'd be available to meet him at the airport this morning. Would I?! I'll bring the gang with me. Pretty sure I'll remember the camera, too.

And then, the rest of the week will be devoted to settling everyone in for the summer. For the first time ever--ever--all nine of them are living at home for the foreseeable future. I think I just heard the upstairs bathroom groan. And I'm sure I heard the dining room table sigh a happy, happy sigh.

A place for everyone, and everyone in his place.

 

No better friend than a brother...

Gifts. We count them, one by one, the birds and the flowers and the sunsets. And they sing to us of the greatest of God, of His gracious blessing of abundant beauty. 

Even more precious are the days when we can stop and truly appreciate the gift of relationship. Nicholas was stoic, but sad, when Patrick left home last fall. Caught between being completely thrilled as any nine-year-old soccer player would be at the mere mention of the National Team and being acutely aware that his hero and buddy was  plucked from his daily life, he has struggled through the year. He is Patrick's biggest fan, but really, he just wants him to come home and play with him. In these last few weeks before the grand adventure comes to a close, Mike made a superhuman effort and got Nicky down to Florida to visit Patrick. So, this week, we count the gifts of brothers, together in the sunshine.

 ~a sporty red rental car to toodle around on the gulf coast~

~a hug (or two or three)~

~a chance to see where Patrick has been living and training, up close~

~up-close view of  Saturday morning training session~

~a tour of the dorms. What's this? Patrick's "count down to home" calendar. Since the date to come home keeps changing though, we suspect the calendar is more about the picture than the numbers.~


 
    ~A much-needed haircut. Nicky only lets Patrick cut his hair.. Haircuts have been few and far between this year.~ 
 

~a tour of the school~

~A romp in the Gulf of Mexico. Sort of funny to look at these pictures since neither of them are big fans of swimming in the sea.~

~Perfect Sunday seaside~

 

It has been said that the greatest gift you give your children is a sibling. 

All true.

 

 

Daybook just before February

 

Outside My Window

There is a blanket of snow everywhere. A quick check of the weather tells me that there may be more snow in the immediate future followed by lots of cold rain midweek. Not much good to say about cold rain...

 

I am Listening to

quiet

 

I am Wearing

Yoga pants and a sweathsirt. I slept in these. I do plan to dress for the day.

 

I am so Grateful for

~a safe trip home for Mike (only three hours) on a snowy night when many people spent up to ten hours in their cars. 

~a safe flight out early the next morning so that my sweet Mary Beth could surprise Patrick with a real life visit--meet his friends, see his school, take him some Valentine dots in person. My husband is a travel genius and we are blessed by his expertise.

~a warm gym on a bitter Saturday morning.

~making a quick exit from said gym before my two-year-old threw up. Getting outside was a huge blessing. to a lot of people, no doubt.

~a trip for Mary Beth and Mike to see Patrick in Florida

~black tea with mint and coconut milk

~long talks with Linda about all things theological

~Mary Chris' knitting lesson when every other plan for fun last week failed

~Katie's enthusiastic love of all things yarn

~a hot pink lighted Kindle case

~hours in bed on Sunday recovering and reading

~snow

~a new deacon at the mission

~bedtime talks with Mike

~a good night's sleep

~cashmere socks

~hair bows

~newly organized school baskets

~the Charlotte Mason organizer

~Latin DVDs

~a solid school plan for the term

~a good dentist (if I can just drum up the courage to call her)

Mary Beth in the airport on the way home (note the sunburn--sign of fun in the sun)

I'm Pondering

“If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love.
For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.”
~ Amy Carmichael H/T Ann Voskamp 

I am Reading

One Thousand Gifts on Kindle

Catholic Controversies: Understanding Church Events and Teaching in History. I'm reading this one with Christian. He's a huge fan of National Geographic and the History Channel, but is driven crazy by occasional anti-Catholic. This book is very helpful in sorting fact from fiction. Edited by Stephen Gabriel, different topics are written by different authors, all experts in their fields who share their knowledge in this one comprehensive volume. All of the authors are well-respected writers, editors, historians, scientists, or theologians and they bring their strengths to the project, making it an exceptionally credible resource. The resulting collection is both impressive and exceedingly useful. Complex and commonly misunderstood doctrines and historical events of the Catholic Church including evolution, Galileo, the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Reformation, the role of women, natural law,  and contraception are addressed in solid, readable essays. I think this go-to guide is going to be ready at my fingertips as one teenager after another asks tough questions in this household over the next couple of decades.

 

I am Thinking

about how grateful I am for the sacrament of marriage. There's a lot of grace there.

 

I am Creating

endless knitting projects. In my head. Because really, I'm no at all sure I can sit still long enough to bring any of them to fruition.

 

Patrick's dorm

On my iPod

same old, same old. But I did install the Divine Office Mac app on my computer. Bliss. Really, it's amazing. I love it. It's clean and beautiful and I love that it's its own button on my toolbar and not dependent on browser. Love.

 

St. Stephen's, where Paddy goes to school

Towards a Real Education

We cleaned out all the individual school baskets and got all caught up on CM Organizer. Ordered a few new things for children who have whipped through previously planned curriculum. Nicky and Katie have blasted through math this year. Kindle has been such a blessing to Mary Beth, who is still struggling with an eye injury from last spring. We're getting there, though. making steady progress.

Karoline loves the geography studies especially and she's becoming our resident map expert. She was teaching Sarah all the countries in South America last night. Too cute for words. "This is Bolivia, but you can call it Olivia if you want betuz that's what I called it when I was little and I didn't know better." Like last week?

 

Towards Rhythm and Beauty

Time to get back to the "put the computer away" rhythm. I've gotten sucked in to having it open all day and then I get sidetracked. I wish there were an iPod app for the CM Organizer. Then, I wouldn't need to be online with my laptop. It's too tedious to just acces the Organizer online for iPod--it's just not configured for that small screen. Perhaps a little self discipline is in order, yes? Anyway, I need to finish up here this morning and close all window but the Organizer. And focus.

 

We're having a Kind Conversation about

gosh, I don't know. I haven't been there in several days. Must check in today. 

dorm room

To Live the Liturgy

 Candlemas is this week.

Today's the Feast of St. John Bosco.

 

I am Hoping and Praying

for Elizabeth deHority. She is constantly on my heart and in my prayers. She needs you now. Please, please pray with me.

 

Around the House

It appears that I'm going to have to do a clothing switch in the middle of winter. Sarah has suddenly decided to grow. She had been wearing last winter's clothing (the 6-12  months size), but all of a sudden, she needs something bigger. Down to the storage room today, to unearth the clothing Karoline wore the winter she was two. I think those might be too big. And then, I'll be stuck because a quick look around Target the other day let me know that bathing suits are already ready and available for purchase. Ironic, since I was there to look for snow pants.

headquarters of US Soccer Men's U17 National Team, where team meetings happen

From the Kitchen

I'm inspired by Andrea's post. I tend to make dietary changes for me, but hesitate to make them for all of us. At least, I haven't really put my foot down in the kitchen in a long, long time. I remember when Paddy had surgery on his hand on his second birthday and we stopped at Dunkin Donuts on the way home. He didn't even know what a donut was. My current two-year-old would happily live on chocolate chips, unless of course, M & Ms were available. We've loosened my formerly militant dietary rules way too much. It's time to clean up around here.

 

One of My Favorite Things

Snow days. I'm learning to embrace cold rain days this winter. Not so much.

 

Sarah Annie this week

She's sporting a new haircut. More on that later.

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

Need to schedule a visit to the dentist.

Lots of basketball

Senior night for Christian. How is that possible? I always cry at Senior Nights...This one will be particularly tough. I wish so much for this child and life knocks him around more than a little.

Stephen's birthday

Candlemas

Tomorrow begins our Small Steps Together study of Simplicity.

Picture thoughts:

 

after the match on Saturday

Paddy and Mary Beth after his match on Saturday

 
These pictures are from Mike's and Mary Beth's recent trip to visit Patrick at the U17 US Soccer Men's National Team Residency program in Bradenton Florida. They were taken on Mike's Blackberry.    

 

 

 

 

Tale of Two Pockets

Same pair of jeans at the same time. The boy gets around.

Balancing Academics with the Rest of Life

This is a question from 2007. It came from Kendra the Amazing of Preschoolers and Peace. She wanted me to do an online interview. I agreed and never got back to her. I'm really bad like that. I do apologize, Kendra, but I'd like to answer this particular question now, if I may.

How do you think moms can better maintain a balance between academic excellence and the nurturing of relationships with their children?  Are they mutually exclusive?

This has been very much on my mind in the past few weeks. When Patrick left suddenly for Florida, we had four days to prepare. Usually, I use high school to get my kids ready for school away from home in college. Academically, we do things like learning to write research papers, taking notes from a lecture, managing time, integrating book work with lecture work. They take classes at the community college and I'm right there at their elbows to ease them into it and teach as we go. And, usually, they have completed what I consider to be an academically rich curriculum before they leave. Also, I have learned that 13 to 14-year-old boys are very very hard to motivate. That school year is not so productive. After Michael, I learned not to freak out about it. They catch up when they figure out that they need it. No big deal.

Except when they figure out they need it four days before shipping off to what's supposed to be the "best school in Florida."

I can't tell you the sleep I missed worrying that our program was not going to fly under these conditions.

Our academic program has always been literature intensive. It's also delight-driven within limits. That is, my kids get choices about what to study within a certain parameter. Every once in awhile, I look at something known for its rigor (like The Well Trained Mind in its entirety or Tapestry of Grace or Robinson) and I think about how much I want that kind of excellence. I love school. I'm a total library person. I would have taken any one of those curricula as a child and absolutely loved it. But it doesn't suit my household.

Remember the priority thing? I'm one parent. There is another. He is brilliant. But he's not the bookish sort. He brings the rest of the world into our home. He orchestrates opportunities to pursue athletic excellence. He drives the late shift home from dance. He works late at night and so he likes to hang out and have a big pajama party on our bed in the morning, keeping everyone from the designated chores and school for the hour. He doesn't hesitate to whisk someone away on an airplane for some adventure, regardless of the lessons planned. And sometimes I {silently} question his wisdom.

I definitely worried about it when Patrick left. Hold that thought.

The other area of balance in our house is that of home management and child care. While, I definitely don't delegate it all out while I sit idly by, I definitely do enlist their help while I work alongside them. I don't think it can all get done any other way. While Patrick may have slacked about school when he was 14, he wasn't given the opportunity to give up kitchen duties and he wasn't allowed to be anything but kind to his younger siblings. His cooperation was to cruical to the family mission. He cooked. He cleaned. He gardened. He loved on babies and he might have even braided blond curls on occasion. Hold that thought.

I ordered Tapestry of Grace just before I left for Florida. Someone had been throwing up all week. Laundry and disinfecting were in high gear but academics were taking a backseat. In hindsight, I think the anxiety of going to Paddy's "perfect school" and meeting all his teachers and hearing how hard he was having to work to keep up made me grasp for the most intense, well laid out, well credentialed curriculum I could find. I wasn't going to get into the position ever again. When I got home, I was going to make sure we were all about reaching the maximum intellectual heights.

I found Patrick happy and well. Every coach, dorm supervisor, and trainer we talked to commented on how extraordinarily well he could handle the stuff of life. They told us how he is a leader among peers, a natural big brother type. When given three hour's notice before flying internationally, he can get his ducks in a row. His shirts are clean and his belts match his shoes. He knows where his equipment is and he knows how to get it all from Point A to Point B. He manages his money just fine; he gives himself and everyone else haircuts; he organized the bus to Church (and routinely brings a bunch of non-Catholics with him). He's homesick and it's obvious, but he has set about making the most of the real life opportunities in front of him.

Then we went to the school. Every single teacher sought us out to comment on how beautifully he's doing. I looked at the curriculum and saw holes all over the place (much to my chagrin). It's a beautiful building and they are good, well meaning people doing the best they can with a really odd situation. If he were home, frankly, it would be a better designed, better tailored program. But he's not home.

And he left home well prepared in the important places.

He knows where home is and he knows he's supported.

So, all the rowdy mornings, all those "daddy trips," all the baby love, the cooking and laundry--all of it has mattered just as much as academics. We had those things covered so well that it didn't matter that he had four days to prepare to leave.

And the academics? Apparently they were good enough to succeed. His geometry teacher wishes he were better at timed tests. I guess they can work on that.

I came home to that rigorous curriculum. I tried my level best to make it work. It doesn't in my house. The housekeeping suffered as I spent hours with my head in the Teacher's Manual and my kids spent too much time at the table. I used way too much ink printing worksheets. I was a crazed taskmaster, trying desperately to keep even one child from falling behind, since we're all supposed to be in the same place. It wasn't pretty. My first hint that it wasn't going to work was when I couldn't fit it into the CM Organizer. The one created by Simply Charlotte Mason? This new plan was anything but simple. Sure, it came with instructions to winnow to fit, but by the time I read it all to know where I wanted to winnow and then winnowed some more to make it appropriate for Catholic children, then added the stories of the heroes of the Church, it was all too complicated for me.

Serendipity works in my house. It's books that inspire us; it's relationships between the people reading the books and the people in the books. There is an emphasis on writing--my children seem to write before they walk. Baskets of books, art supplies in abundance, time to think and to write.  It's who we are. Yes, if there is a lack of balance, it's because we lean towards relationships. The academics happen and they flourish in an atsmosphere of relationships. Maybe that atmosphere makes up for what might be lacking in intellectual rigor. I'm good with that. I really am.

Hey, Paddy!

It's your birthday. Sixteenth birthdays don't happen every day or even every year. We didn't want you to pass this day without the best hugs in the world. So, we brought you your sweet Sarah Annie. Let's have breakfast together and go to the beach!

Someone I love is looking into flights to Spain.

Of course he is.

When they said "Travel Soccer," I had no idea...

Patrick leaves tomorrow for a 2 week trip to Spain. Among other things, he will play against Real Madrid and against Spain's U17 National Team.

Your prayers for his safety and wellbeing are much appreciated.

We've got Karoline...

 On Friday afternoon, just before about a million people descended upon our house to wish Paddy farewell, Mike called a family meeting. The purpose, he explained, was to talk about how we were feeling with the whirlwind events leading up to Patrick's departure. We wanted to make sure that the little ones understood that he was going and that contact would be limited and they wouldn't see him for several months. Mike started with Karoline:

Kari, what do you think about Paddy joining the National Team?

I think it's totally not fair that he gets to go to school and I'm stuck here in preschool.

Nothing like a little laughter to break the tension.

Nick, what about you?

Well, I think it's cool that he's going to play for the National Team and I can brag about it tell all my friends that my big brother is on the US Team, but, [chin quivers, eyes fill], there won't be anyone big here to play backyard soccer with me. Paddy's totally cool...[dissolve]

Karoline pipes up: But you have me. I can play with you in the backyard. I'll make you happy.

On to Katie.

[crying] I'm going to miss him... [dissolve]

Karoline, again: But you have me! I will play with you and make you happy!

Stephen's turn.

What Nick said. 

Karoline, again: But you guys... you have ME!

And so it went. Karoline determined to make up for anything lacking in Paddy's absence.

Yesterday evening, I surveyed the state of my house which was absolutely showing signs of neglect. I sighed, "I guess I really do need to re-work the chore chart." I'd been putting it off and putting it off, not knowing exactly how to fill his shoes without completely overwhelming Mary Beth. "Ugh," I said to anyone within earshot, but mostly Stephen, "how in the world are we going to redistribute?"

Stephen shrugged, hoping against hope that he wasn't going to get extra chores.

That's easy! piped the golden-curled one. You have me. I don't have any chores on the chart, so cross out Paddy and write "K-A-R-I" Easy peasy.

So, if you happen by my house and glance at the chore chart on the refrigerator and wonder why my three- year-old is in charge of the mudroom,  the boys' laundry, the kids' bathroom,  wiping down the kitchen at the end of the day, and turning off the lights at night, it's because she wanted it that way;-).

And Karoline, don't worry when you get to that last light and you're too scared to turn it off and go upstairs in the dark. 

Paddy never did. He was scared, too.

Daybook on the Feast of St. Augustine

Outside My Window

A beautiful, unseasonably cool day.

 

I am Listening to

The little girls “reading” What Do You Say Dear?

Stephen and Nicky talking about how they’re going to work out and get really big and make the National Team…

 

I am Wearing

A yellow t-shirt that says Virginia State Champions  2009 U14 and a pair of Umbro sweatpants that I’ve long coveted. They are were Paddy’s. He’s sponsored by Nike now and can’t wear any of its competitor’s clothes. Adidas anyone? We have plenty.

 

I am so Grateful for

~dear friends who have been tender and kind in so many ways.

~ a bushel of peaches on a day when rhythm and beauty around the kitchen island brought comfort and

~ the person who knew that peaches would be a very good idea. That would be the same person who got up early to sit with me at Nicky’s soccer game right after Paddy took off and just talk about normal stuff.

~my mother and stepfather who made a computer possible for Patrick and thereby guaranteed we’ll see and hear him often.

~the chance to see how much my kids care about each other.

~sweet blond heads on my shoulders.

~gifts and blessings, even when it’s really, really hard to see that’s what they are.

~ Patrick, who assured me it was good enough.

~ Mike, because…

 

I'm Pondering

I have sometime placed my hopes in my own virtue, which was no virtue; and when I attempted to run, thinking I was very strong, I fell very quickly and went backward instead of forward. What I expected to reach, disappeared, and thus, O Lord, in various ways You have tested my powers. ~St. Augustine

 

I am Reading
Nothing. I can’t concentrate right now. Surely this week that will improve.

 

I am Thinking

I think that any time a child leaves home, it’s only natural to think reflect on our role in that child’s life. When we homeschool, the role is such a large, all-encompassing one. When a homeschooled child graduates and moves into the next stage, we think about a job completed—what we did right, what we’d do differently. I did that when Michael left. It prompted stinging criticism at a time when I was already raw. So, we’re not going there this time. And this time is different. This time, I wasn’t finished. I had four days to take a child who’d never stepped foot in a classroom and ship him off to boarding school almost a thousand miles away. This time, he left three years earlier than I thought he would. And so, I’m definitely thinking big thoughts. This time, I know better than to share and I’m keeping them very much in my heart. But I offer this for your pondering: if your child unexpectedly left home and went to school next week, no doubt there would be things undone, well-laid plans untouched. But off he’d go and you would be left to think about what you did do, what you did offer. Are you doing things in the right order? Would the important things be done?

 

I am Creating

Zilch. I am so exhausted that I’m just sitting here waiting for life to happen. It always does.

 

On my iPod

My Wish. I’m not listening to it though.

 

Towards a Real Education

On Monday, we will settle into our new normal. I will be grateful for the sweet faces around my table and the opportunity to begin again, a great deal older and wiser, I think, than I was just a month ago.

 

Towards Rhythm and Beauty

Remember this line, from last week?

Until the inevitable unplanned….

 

Oh my. The inevitable unplanned. And then some.

 

To Live the Liturgy

Having trouble getting through Mass without crying. No doubt that will improve, too.

 

I am Hoping and Praying

~for Patrick, who starts school on Monday, for his teachers, his coaches, and all the people who will touch his life for the next fourteen months. Please, God, be with them all.

~with gratitude for the Campus Ministry at George Mason University, which has been everything I prayed it would be three years ago, and so much more.

~for Michael, who begins his final semester on Monday.

In the Garden

Paddy, I promise—I really, really promise—to take very good care of your roses.

Around the House

The house is trashed. I’ve been gone for the better part of the last two weeks. And the people who moved out of here? The left huge messes in their wakes. Monday we clean. Cleaning is always healing.

 

From the Kitchen

Peach pies and peach crisp. And we cooked a lot last week. Paddy in the kitchen is a happy thing and we were going for lots of happy. This week, we tweak the menus and make sure they work with the fall schedule. And there will be apples—lots and lots of apples.

 

One of My Favorite Things

Skype.

 

Sarah Annie this week

Sweet darling. Snuggle in and sing to me in that dear voice. Be patient as I hold you and inhale your baby head. Know how much you are loved and hear me promise again to treasure every moment.

 

A Few Plans for the Rest of the Week

Colleen and her boys will spend part of this week with us. We’re planning to go apple picking on September 1^st. I am astounded by God’s providence. Last year, I wanted so badly to be with her. This year, we’ll mark the anniversary together. God is good.

 

Picture thoughts:

 

Sarah picked the picture this week.