In the Heart of my Home

needle & thREAD

 

 

Good morning, sewing friends!

I'm afraid I haven't any sewing at all to report this week. I had grand plans for three completed sundresses. Life had other plans. 

Let's revisit this post for just a moment, as I promised to tell you the rest of the story. I actually can't tell it in full. As I thought about it, I couldn't come up with a responsible way to tell it all. In part, our parish mission is regrouping after what can only be called a crisis and moving from 10,000 square feet to 1500 square feet. I ended up with a great many boxes from that move in my basement. And then, it fell to us, with the help of a friend, to sort and carefully steward those things into the future while we wait and save and build a church. I was constantly reminded of The Miracle of St. Nicholas. That's about all I can say there.

In the process, I discovered messes anew in the basement. Unlike last year, this year, I'm not claiming blame. It's all about the kids. So, I've just begun to read Cleaning House: A Mom's 12-month Experiment to Rid Her Home of Youth Entitlement. So far, I really like this book and I see it as a way to avoid ever having my basement look like Occupy Basement again.

I was going to sew on Monday. My plan was to sew and sew and sew. Instead, I was distracted by the state of my sewing room. Let's talk about nomenclature for a moment, shall we? I know that lots of bloggers call the room where they sew "the studio." They sew there. They write there. They do design work there. I do all that in my room, too. But "studio" just sounds weird around here. My husband is a television producer/director. He works in a studio. There's no fabric involved. But when we say "studio" in this house, that's what we all envision. 

Since last year, I have completely taken over the office on our main floor. His trophies have been relocated to make room for my teacups. I still want to paint and to make curtains, but mostly, I just sigh contentedly in my "sewing room." When it's clean. And it was in need of some TLC this week. So I cleaned the basement and cleaned the sewing room and found myself with no time to sew. 

Incidentally, I can't bring myself to call myself a "sewist," either. It just grates against my editing ear, I think. Instead, I think I'm on my way to becoming a modern seamstress. Maybe a quilter... A creator of quilts. Happy stitcher of mama-made dresses.  "Sewist" just sounds odd to me.

{fabric cut and ready for three sundresses. that fabric was going to be lining for sewing room curtains. sundresses are a much better use, i think. i have a lot of it. more than three dresses worth.}

{books for inspiration. each girl has a sewing box. i have two. basket near the top holds the pieces for a quilt for my room. fabric to the right of that is heather bailey set aside to make a quilt for mary beth. fabric on the shelf below is flurry to be used to finish my christmas quilt and make two or three more.}

{anna maria horner on the entire upper shelf, right beneath baskets full of yarn. i think some of this will be a wedding quilt. stash of pinks is still formidable, rest of the stashes dwindling. on the far right is a big stack of flannels that will be winter pjs in time for the flurry of fall birthdays. at least that's the plan.}

What about you? Sewing? Reading? A little of both? What's on your summer reading list? Do you have a summer sewing list?  Or are you embroidering? Pulling a needle with thread through lovely fabric to make life more beautiful somehow? Would you share with us just a single photo (or more) and a brief description of what you're up to? Will you tell us about what you're reading, also? Would you talk sewing and books with us? I'd love that so much.

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Could it be a Storybook Year?

Late last summer, as I was gathering my thoughts on curriculum and trying to plan the year, I hit a wall. Actually, I was probably already flat up against the wall, but the time of year compelled me to do what I'd always done, so I pressed on. But I didn't want to plan. And I wasn't enthused about all the things that had previously sparked so much creative energy. It wasn't exactly burnout. It was more like beaten-out. I hadn't wanted to share learning ideas for over a year, but by last summer, I didn't even want to write them for myself. It just wasn't fun anymore.

I thought about just sending off for several boxes of pre-planned curriculum. And then I consulted the budget. I looked around my house at all the resources we own. I didn't order anything. Nothing. That became the plan. Use what we have and just get the job done. 

We have an abundance of picture  books. I love picture books. When I was in college, I'd forego the coffee shop in the Student Union Building and head instead to the tiny corner of the adjacent bookstore that was home to the children's books. I saved my latte pennies for a hardbound copy of The Complete Tales of Peter Rabbit. Way better. I loved the small room in the Ed School library that was lined with shelves of children's literature. When we were assigned a semester-long project to compile an index card file of children's books, I filled three boxes. Every card was color-coded and annotated and illustrated. I still have those cards. I loved that project.

For over twenty years, I have been inspired by the art and the literature of picture books. I've thrown my whole heart into creating with books, whether it was bulletin boards in a classroom or fullblown unit studies for many ages. Literature-based learning was where I invested most of my creative energy. Some people love their cameras, some their paints, others their yarn or fabric. For me, it was always those beautiful books and the endless possiblities of things we could do with them.

I recalled a conversation with an old friend. Several years ago, we wondered if everything in an elementary curriculum could probably be taught with a good picture book. This year became my year to test the theory. Sort of.

We read widely from these lists (and more), both as read-alouds and read alones. Sustaining attention for long stories is a cornerstone of how we learn in our home.

The Montessori maps come out for geography review a couple times a week. 

For my fifth-grader, I have a good math text, Rosetta Stone, some art history, nature notebooks, and, at his request, Swimming Creatures of the Fifth Day. All the rest? Picture books.

For my third grader, math, Rosetta Stone, nature notebooks, drawing instruction, and picture books. 

For my little ones, lots of mama time. And picture books.

I take the week's copywork from the picture books. I take the poem to memorize that week from a picture book. Every night, each of the three youngest girls chooses two picture books for me to read before going to sleep.

What unfolded is not a curriculum. It's a "freedom within limits" plan that works for us. I share it here to tell you what we've been up to, not so much as to suggest you adopt it. It's entirely real learning in the heart of our home. I thought about all the categories of books, all the subjects typical programs of studies will cover. Also, I was sure to leave some grids for me to add in books I love and just don't want them to miss.  I gridded all the different categories in a weekly planning sheet. The sheet has changed several times this year as I add and delete as necessary. I've thoughtfully included the things that are important us, the components of a Charlotte Mason curriculum that I hold dear. 

We read the books together or the children read them to themselves. Sometimes, they have books in common on their charts. Sometimes, they have their own particular books. I sit down the weekend before and plan out the week. I key the saints' picture books to the liturgical year. Usually, I'll ask if there is a book they want to read and let them choose within each discipline. Occasionally, I'll gather up the stack myself. It's important for me to gather all the books before the week begins so I don't spend hours looking under couch cushions or behind beds for the books I am certain I just saw.

Sometimes, there is a theme across disciplines. Nicky might read  A Swim Through the Sea, Man Fish: A Story of Jacques Cousteau, and mom's choice of Night of the Moonjellies. Katie might ask about Manassas Battlefield Park as we drive by it daily, back and forth to ballet. The following week, I'll write in books like Follow the Drinking Gourd, Henry's Freedom Box, Civil War Artist, Sweet Clara and the Freedom Quilt and If You Lived at the Time of the Civil War.

More often, though, this is not about unit studies, but about a wide banquet of varied topics. If a child is super-interested in something, it's simple enough to scuttle the written plan and dig deeply with more on-topic books. Two important things about scuttling the plan:  

• There must be a plan to scuttle; this isn't freewheeling and hoping that books thrown everywhere will catch someone's attention.
• If you ditch the plan, it's only to do something better. It's never to do nothing. And we need a written plan for the "something better."

Every day, the children respond in writing to at least one book. They can choose a writing project from a long list of projects or they can propose another. Not every book requires a formal response. Some books, we read, we talk about just a little, and then we close it and put it on the shelf. But every day requires some kind of writing. Every day. They might dictate a simple narration. They might peck out their own narrations. They might take off and create an elaborate screenplay. Whatever they choose, they must write something.

With the time that's left in the day, they can choose from other ways to respond to books and get as creative as they like with any book they've read that day or previously. We're busy. We're productive. We're surrounded by good language and great art. And the creative energy has returned to our educational adventures.

It's all good.

Tell me about your book: 

• Write and tell a friend about the story. 
• Make a detailed map of the setting of the book.
• Is it a circle story? Can you draw it?
• Did something really catch your attention? Want to research it further?

• If historical, add it to your Book of Centuries. (we do this with every historical book)
• Write a letter from the main character to you.
• Choose a character you’d like to have as a friend.  Write him or her a letter. 
• Plan & cook something to go with the book
• Tell why it would (or wouldn’t) make a great movie. 
• Describe an incident from it as though you were an on-the-scene TV reporter.
• Create a collage.
• Make up a rhyming poem about it
• Illustrate w/drawings or photos
• Explain its funniest (or saddest or most exciting) incident.
• Make a new book jacket for the book
• Do a puppet show.
• Read the book aloud as radio theatre and record it.
• Write 3 paragraphs in a diary as if you were your favorite character. 
• Design and draw costumes for some of the characters.
• Design quilt squares to go with the book
• Tell what your home would look like if you were one of the main characters. 
• Write a biography of one of the characters.
• Write a human interest story about one of the characters in the book.
• Write a letter to the editor about an issue in the book.
• Create magazine ad for the book.
• Create a television ad for the book
• Draw it into newspaper cartooning squares.
• Play charades w/themes from the book
• Pretend a character had made an important decision differently. Write a new ending.
• Make a list of facts you learned in the book
• Write an Amazon review.
• Plan a field trip inspired by the book
• Compare versions of the same story.
• Compare the book to the movie version
• Make peg dolls to go with the book.
• Compare it to another book the author/illustrator has written. This might be a comparison of art or of the story.
• Use its title to write your own story. 
• Write a letter to the author
• Pretend you are the author. Write a publisher, pictching your book.

 Picture books make me happy. This blog is for sharing what makes me happy. I can't promise you a book a day. There's no way I'm going to post big plans for every book. I do hope to share a little of our picture book love on a regular basis here. A quick review, a picture or two, some ideas on where the book took us--little snapshots of books we all love. I know that not all my readers are homeschoolers. I'm certain, though, that these books can enrich the lives of all the children we love.

 

 

 

More Disney Lessons: A good day begins the night before

In the months before we left for Disney World, we began to plan. Of course, there was research on hotels and rental vans and some reservation-making. Mike managed most of that. Once he had the dates nailed down, I started planning each individual day. 

There were a few major planning tools. We read three books: Birnbaum's Walt Disney World, Birnbaum's Walt Disney World for Kids, The Unoffical Guide To Walt Disney World. The kids devoured every page of the kids' book. The other two books bounced around the house from reader to reader. I challenged every one to pick up little tidbits here and there that they could offer as we considered what to do each day. When we arrived, it was funny to hear them all quote the books while we were in the park. A few days in, we recognized that the books weren't always right. Still, they were a place to begin.

In addition to the The Unoffical Guide To Walt Disney World book, we got a subscription to Touringplans.com. This service will plan your entire day, one event and attraction at a time. For ten dollars, the site offers several different plans for each park: plans for just adults and teens, plans for tweens, plans for families of little ones, and big, happy family plans. I planned each day of the trip and printed the plan and put them in a three-ring binder. Honestly, the greatest value these plans had was my sense that I knew we were going to arrive at each park and not waste time getting the lay of the land and figuring out what to do when.

If you have a smart phone, skip the printing and binder step. We learned that Mike could download the plans right to his smart phone. He could also check (in real time) the wait time on any attraction and the crowd level at any park. Buy the book first and then the app. Book owners get a discount on the app. And really, the book is so worth the purchase cost. Touringplans.com also provided valuable "day of" information. We were reminded to be in Magic Kingdom the night of the Electric Parade. We knew that Dumbo (Sarah's absolute favorite ride) was going to be closed for renovations the fourth day of our trip and would remain closed a long time. We made sure to ride on third day. I can't begin to tell you how much we learned from those books. nearly as much as I learned from careful reading through Dawn's notes. There is nothing, nothing like another generous mom to mentor.

All that said, the plan is just a skeleton of what your day will look like in real life. Like any good plan, it works only as well as your ability to look at it critically and deviate if necessary. Despite our very careful planning and all our research, we missed a big detail. None of the sites or books told us months in advance that the Disney Marathon and Half-Marathon were being run the first weekend we were there. Not only were crowds much bigger than they were historically on those dates, the foot traffic inside the parks was re-routed for the runners. Our plans as written were as worthless as plans for a full co-op day the morning you discover your kids have chicken pox. 

We didn't panic. We were determined to mine for the magic. As a result, we ducked into far more shows than we had planned, discovering the happy fact that Disney puts on a very fine live theater presentation--consistently, in every park, every single show. That crowded marathon day found us in Hollywood Studios as the runners ran through the main walkways. We sat it out in a stunning performance of Beauty and the Beast. I think it was my favorite attraction of all and it wasn't on the plan at that time. Days later, when crowds weren't an issue at all, we were lost and late in Animal Kingdom just as the Lion King show was beginning. So we stopped rushing to where we were going and stepped inside to take in the show. Absolutely awesome. I mean that. We were awestruck. That one wasn't on our list at all because everyone had told us to make sure to see the Nemo show and that was our priority. In the end, we saw both.

There were several times we vehemently disagreed with the opinions  expressed in the guidebooks, mostly when it came to dining. I'll cover dining in another post. Within hours of our first day, I reconciled myself to the fact that autopilot wasn't going to work in terms of planning. The first ride we took with Sarah (who had never been to an amusement park) was Living with the Land. It's train-like ride that moves through a dark tunnel, into a lighter tunnel and then into a bright open greenhouse space. She hated the dark tunnel so much that the rest of the ride was tough. Then we went to The Seas with Nemo and Friends, another dark tunnel, a scary shark. Then, we moved over to the Mexico section of Epcot. Three Caballeros: by now Sarah was sure that Disney was all moving train-like rides through dark tunnels. On to Norway: The Maelstrom. Dark tunnel. Scary trolls. The ride got stuck. We sat there forever about twenty minutes. I talked and talked and talked to Sarah about what we were seeing and how it was built and anything else I could throw at the situation. By the time we were unstuck, she wanted to go again! 

The plan is flawed or the plan goes awry, but something better than the plan comes to life.

That was easily the theme of our trip. Over and over again, serendipitous good things happened for us. I think being planned helped put us in position for some of them and certainly, reading up ahead of time and doing some research and availing ourselves to tools helped, too. But in the end, praying for grace and being open to the unexpected good was what made the trip great. I was also struck time and again by how well Mike was able to cheerfully reassure me that it was okay that the plan was going awry, all the while coming up with Plan B or C and steering us forward.

The big planning picture was important, but so was the micro-planning picture. We put thought into packing. That translated well when we grabbed a ziploc bag with a full outfit in it and laid it out the night before, so that girls could quickly dress themselves in the morning. We shopped well for breakfast items so that we wasted neither time nor money getting well-fed at the beginning of every day. We did laundry as we went, so that it never became a big pile of worry. We ended every day with the next one in mind, mentally rehearsing where and what we'd do and devoting a good deal of creative thought to troubleshooting.

I've heard stories from lots of moms with far fewer children than I have. They tell me how hard vacations, particularly Disney vacations, can be for them. There are classic articles out there about how difficult vacationing with children is. I think I was intimidated by those. The reality though, is that moms are overwhelmed at home, too. And moms write all the time to tell me how glad they are when there kids get on the bus in the morning. Homeschooling a big family is great training for taking one on vacation. Whether vacationing in Orlando, taking a huge trip to China, or just trying to do a good job at home on a gray day in February, the principles are the same.

Plan well.

Study up. Become an expert in the field.

 Pray hard that you will know when and how to diverge from the planned path.

Think creatively about what may come.

Embrace the surprises because they often yield the greatest blessings.

Stay together.

Look to Dad for reassurance and another creative solution.

If you have to abandon the plan, abandon it for something better, not for sloth.

Plan for meals and rest and make sure they happen.

When it gets scary, hold them close and talk it through together. 

Expect that it will good, very good.

Our Disney Trip: Organized Packing and Playing in the Van

The last time I drove to my mother's in Ponte Vedra, Michael was eighteen and Karoline was an infant riding backwards. Mike flew in to meet us there. I drove the whole way. Karoline cried the whole way. It took us fourteen hours. I waited nearly five years to repeat that trip.

This time, Mike drove. Everyone is old enough to ride facing forward. And I applied everything I have ever learned about packing and planning for the car. here's the brain dump.

Packing::

We began the packing process early and took our time working through it thoughtfully. Mary Beth was a huge help. Totally umprompted, she presented me with packing lists one morning and showed me how she had begun to gather into a laundry basket t all of the extra things we would need. Those basket items were then divided into things we would need in the car while we traveled and things that could be packed and put in the back. Then, it was divided again to cut down on what we actually needed and didn't need. The kids' bags were laid out on the floor, packed, checked, unpacked, repacked, checked, and one more for good measure;-). I'm happy to report no one underpacked (though a certain 13-year-old boy overpacked). 

We were lucky enough to have a washer and dryer in our hotel suite, a feature that was a huge help with eliminating extra clothes. I did laundry every day at my mother's house and every day at Disney World. The only dirty laundry we brought home was the laundry we were wearing. That made transition to home a bit easier.  The packing lists we created for the children included 3 pairs of jeans, 5 shirts (3 long sleeved, and 2 short sleeved), sweatshirt with hood, bathing suit, pajamas, underwear, socks, baseball cap, and sunglasses and clothes to wear for dinner at the club and church. The older kids were in charge of getting their car 'toys' into the car while the youngers had theirs packed in an extra bag (more on that later in the post). 

A note about shoes: About three weeks before we left, I took inventory of the shoes each child planned to wear while walking at Disney.I made sure they were in good repair and fit perfectly. I ended up buying new pairs for a couple of children and then encouraging them to wear them often before we left so that they'd be broken in and we'd catch any ill-fitting blister issues before leaving.

Car Bag 1 (this is a euphemism. We actulaly called it the "Throw Up Bag.").  The first car bag was packed with things we potentionally would need while we were in the car (a bag that wouldn't get packed and be unaccesible in the back of the car). We have several children who are prone to motion sickness. This bag was the go-to bag when someone started to gag. It included baby wipes, clorox wipes, gum, snacks, waterbottles (they weren't IN the bag but nearby), and plastic bins just in case of car sickness. I used these bins, so that I could put the lid on it and dispose of it as soon as possible. I also packed a roll of scented trash bags for nasty clothes and clean up trash.  In the accessible car bag, we included a change of clothes for each of our two littlest girls. 

Extra Things Bags: This was a catch-all bag for the stuff of every day living away from home. It included

• Tiger Balm patches  and cream (for mom's elbow, but they were used otherwise as well)
• bandaids (why, Mickey Mouse of course)
• neosporin
• blister packs (happy to say no one in our family needed them, but I did give one to someone else)
• nebulizer 
• cold medicine 
• Airborne
• sunscreen (something we definitely DID need)
• Advil
• breakfast food and some patnry items for meals prepared in the hotel. we ate all our breakfasts and some dinners in the hotel.
• glowsticks, needed for extra magic at night and great for helping to keep track of kids at the nighttime parade and fireworks
• garbage bags 
• laundry soap
• paper towels.  
• Tide to go
• Cinch sacks for everybody. I'll explain these in further detail in a later post, but we packed an empty cinch sack for each of us to use daily while we were there for water and snacks and other essentials. The boys regularly collect these at soccer tournaments and from shoe vendors, so we had planty of them around the house. Sarah's bag was the only one that was different. She had a teddy bear backpack that was a birthday gift. Since I ended up carrying her and her packpack more often than not, I'd think differently about her backpack if I had it to do again. My backpack was a frontpack. Sarah rode in it. So, my pocket for water and snacks was super small. I still managed to put trail mix in it and to stash a few bandaids, Tide-toGo, and lipgloss. I carried this purse with me everywhere. The size, the zippers and the velcro while I walked through throngs in the park made it perfect! (And here I admit that it made me happy that my hipster and my baby carrier happened to coordinate. It's the little things;-). 

AeroBed Sleep Tight Bed: So worth the money! This bed is extremely easy to inflate and so cozy to sleep in. If you need extra beds in the hotel room I strongly recommend these. i didn't pack these from home. My Aunt Lisette had them for her grandchildren and mentioned them to me. My mom borrowed them from her while we were staying at my mother's and then I packed them to take to Disney. I plan to buy some of our won. Katie and Sarah slept on them. Katie is nine and had plenty of room. One night, Sarah woke and I laid down next to her to put her back to sleep. I comfortably spent the rest of the night there. 

Download Disney Master List PDF.

Tips for a Happy Car Ride:

For the older kids they had the things they wanted in their own bags/pockets so they weren't forgotten. They mostly occupied themselves with iPods, laptops, and the occasional Kindle. They also slept a whole lot. iPod Touch: This is 14 hours of teen and tween peace at your fingertips, from Nick to Christian, all of the older kids had music, HD video camera, game apps, and, when needed, iCloud to find misplaced iPods. Audio books can be downloaded to these also and they can listen to them while playing apps.  While in wifi zones, the kids could also play Words with Friends against each other, update to Facebook, and check ESPN game scores.

For the younger kids, we kept their LeapPads, batteries, and  headphones in one bag ready and accessible to them. This was Car Bag 2, another accessible bag with extra batteries, markers, drawing paper, crosstich projects, extra embroidery floss and Kids Travel (by Klutz). This book matches its description as a backseat survival kit. Everyone had something fun to use in this book, it is definitely complete. Even if you don't plan on going on a trip anytime soon you might like this book, lots of fun mess-free things to do. 

About the LeapPad in Pink and LeapPad in Green.: These have gone up in price and are still extremely hard to find in stock. We bought them for each of the little girls for $99 each and that was their Christmas present from us (we don't do Santa--so the Leap Pad was it). I let them play with them Christmas Day and then I put them away until the trip. The recommended age is 4-8,  but I think it suits a much wider span. Sarah is three and LOVED it, and Stephen (13) and Nick (11) might have spent more time on them than Katie. Also, once we got to Disney these were great to have when they wanted to take pictures or even videos of Disney World,.The camera isn't the greatest but it is not awful and it captured for them what they wanted to remember. We only let them take the Leap Pads into the park on one day because I really didn't want to mess with carrying and remembering them. LeapFrog always does things well and this product is no exception. 

Make sleeping comfortable. We packed a pillow a person and some throw blankets..Those throw blankets were passed all around and helped tremendously when one person wanted the air conditioner up high and another person didn't want air conditioning at all.

Snacks on the Way and Border Treats: We packed a variety of snacks so that we could stretch time between stopping for meals and keep carsickness at bay. I tucked in granola bars in three different flavors, crackers, goldfish, trail mix, and things that would hopefully not make too much mess in the back. I did vacuum after arriving in Ponte Vedra, after returning to Ponte Vedra from Orlando, and after we got home before we returned the rental car.

The favorite treats were our border treats. This is a fun idea Lissa passed on to me when I drove to Florida several years ago.  Every time we crossed a border into another state, Katie would read aloud (or shout) the sign saying "Welcome to...", then the treat would be passed all around. On the way there we had: Peanut Butter Cups from Trader Joe's (you will never want Reese's again after tasting these), Smashing S'Mores from Trader Joe's, Minty Mallows from Trader Joe's, and Salted Caramel Chocolates. On the way home we had to go to a local grocery store and we had: Pirouettes, Coconut Dreams, Mint Cookies, and Chocolate Covered Ritz Crackers.

For my own entertainment, I packed some embroidery and some lovely floss. I had visions of stitching merrily for hours while I chatted with Mike. The reality was that I stitched a wee bit and then recognized that the van was not the smoothest ride and getting that needle right where I wanted it wasn't happening. Besides, the shifting light along the treeline as we traveled, combined with the needlework, made me start wondering about whether that Throw Up Bag was for me, too. I also packed a bunch of old design magazines, some glue, and a blank sketchbook to create an idea journal. That took about an hour:-). There were some new books, both print and audio awaiting me on my Kindle, but that just seemed rude to Mike, who was doing the real work of getting us there. Mostly, I just kept keeping the little girls happy. 

In order to maximize the benefit of gas and meal stops, I insisted everybody "give it a try" every time we stopped at a bathroom. For the most part, this strategy prevented the dreaded "I have to go" fifteen minutes after having just stopped. I will admit that I grew very, very weary of lifting Sarah onto every public toilet along the southeast coast. 

On the way down, the girls were battling carsicknesses mightily. Mike and I decided on a sitdown late breakfast at Cracker Barrel. After that stop, they were considerably better the rest of the trip. So, it was probably time well spent. But it did slow us quite a bit. On the trip home, we snacked more and stopped for fast food and potty breaks, but ate meals in the car. All in all, our best coping strategy for little bladders and motion-sick girlies was to accept it and just roll. We did what they needed and didn't try to push past their limits. 

One more note: we don't have a vehicle big enough for all of us any more, so one of our major expenses was the renting of a 15 passenger van. We had plenty of space for all of us and all our stuff. The thing gobbled gas, though.

This trip was so much better than the last one. As long as Mike is with me and willing to drive, I'd easily do it again. Soon. Maybe this summer? 

 {{This post, the PDFs, and all of the packing that went into the education that informs this post, would not have been possible without bushels of cheerful, thoughtful help from Mary Beth. }}

Intentional Weekend: Packing and Planning

There will surely be some dipping and dancing this evening, but today we're all about packing and planning.

Small Steps Together: Cocooning and Flying Free

I have long loved early childhood. From the time I was very little, I have invested much thought and prayer into the mother of young children I feel called to be. Much to the chagrin of pretty much everyone except my husband, I even majored in early childhood in college. (Just an aside: I had enough nursing and anatomy/physiology credits to also be certified to teach health and PE. God had a plan. I grew up to educate children who, when asked to name their school, inform the general public that they attend the Foss Academy for the Athletically Inclined. But I digress.)

 

I have held tightly to the promise that it's never too late to have a happy childhood. And since mine was not childish or carefree, I've set out very deliberately to create for my children what I think I might have missed and to enjoy it alongside them. Deep in my heart, my fondest wish was to be the very good mother of young children. You might say that I've dedicated my adult  life to that task.

Not too long ago, I can't remember where, I read about a woman around my age who said that she was too busy with her grown kids and teenagers to mourn the fact that her babies were growing up and there would soon be no wee ones in her house. I'm not. I'm not too busy. There are still small children in my house and they slow me, still me. I still stay with them at night as they drift off to sleep. I still sit with them at the table as they eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, ever so slowly. I bathe them and brush their hair and braid it up before bed. I sit and rock and hold and read. I still thank God for them with every breath, much like I did the day they were born. I have plenty of time in the course of my day to be still and know that these are precious moments that will not be a part of my days in the not too distant future. 

In a way, I envy those women who blithely move along to the next stage of life and smile brightly and say, "There! That's finished. Wasn't it grand? Now what's next?" I'm not one of them. Perhaps I'm just not good at transitions. I sobbed at my high school graduation. I remember how reluctantly I traded my wedding gown for my "going away" clothes. I cried so hard when Michael left for college that I had to pull over because I couldn't see to drive. I held more tightly to each newborn than the one before. And this last one? I don't think I put her down at all for the first twelve weeks. My intimate relationships are deep and rooted and meaningful. When I live something, I feel it. 

I know it's time.

I know because my environment cries out that it is so. My house is full to overflowing with people. Several of them are more than twice the size they were when we moved in here. Some have left and come back and brought with them more of their own stuff. We are bursting at the seams. It is time to acknowledge that we are in a new season of life and to allow my house to reflect that.

And so. I cocoon. Somehow I know that this is intense, deeply personal business and at the end I will be the same and yet, forever different. I spin a silken thread tightly around my home. My cell phone goes dead. I don't recharge it. I don't touch my laptop. I don't carry the house phone with me. I don't leave for several days. It is time to conquer all those recesses of my home that I neglected while I held babies. It is time to let go.

We need space. We no longer need a co-sleeper. Or the sheets to go with it. We don't need a swing. I begin in the basement.

We don't need three neatly labeled boxes of beautiful thick, pink, cotton clothes -- 0-3 months, 6-9 months, 9-18 months. I carefully save the christening gown, the sweet baptism booties, the first dress Karoline wore to match Katie and Mary Beth. The rest I fold into giveaway bags.  Michael takes the baby "things" to the Salvation Army on Friday.The clothes remain until Saturday morning. The Children's Center truck is due to arrive at 8 AM. After I've finished with the clothes, I cannot  stay here in this basement on Friday. I've done what I know will be the most difficult task. I also know I'm nearly suffocating.  I need to go upstairs and get some air. 

I begin in Mike's office. This isn't really my mess or my stuff or even the stuff of children who haven't been carefully supervised. It is just the overflow of two busy adults who pile and stuff a bit too much. He doesn't use this room. It's a lovely room in the middle of the house with a bright window. I put a new sewing machine on the desk. I rearrange shelves, discarding things he no longer needs. I spend an hour or so carefully dusting his youth trophies and 25 years of sports paraphernalia. I think about this post and I know that we can (and should) share this space. I move some baskets in. My yarn, my knitting and sewing books, a few carefully folded lengths of fabric, holding place for a stash to come.

I stitch a few things in that room. And I am happy there. I am no longer knitting in my womb. But I am still creating. And it makes me happy. My arms are ever more often empty, but my hands are increasingly free for other pursuits. Still, a small voice whispers, knitting and sewing are nothing like the co-creation you've done for the last 22 years. I hush the voice. I have no idea where this is going. He is the Creator. He has written a beautiful pattern for my life. All He asks is that I knit according to His plan. Trust the pattern.

On Saturday morning, that truck comes. I can't even watch as they load my dear boxes. My stomach clenches and my eyes fill with tears. Things. They are only things. The girls who wore those things are safe in my arms. Another mother will be blessed to hold a sweet pink cotton bundle close and nuzzle her cheeks. I descend to the basement.

Here. Here is where I must force myself to cocoon. Here is where ten years of "put this carefully in the craft room" will come back to haunt me. They have tossed at will every single time. It never recovered from the great flooring shuffle. I do pretty well with the rest of the house, but I dislike coming down to the basement and Mike rarely comes down here. So, here is where the disorder has collected. The "craft room" is a jumble of stored clothes, curriculum, craft supplies, and 25 years of family photos. It is a mess.

I am humbled by the mess. Quite literally driven to my knees. But I have spun myself into this small space and here I will stay until I can emerge beautifully.

I have banished all outside interruptions, but I have brought with me the Audible version of this book. Good thing, too, because I will benefit greatly from the message within and, frankly, I will need to hear the narrator say "You are a good mom" as often as she does. 

I see the abandoned half-finished projects, the still shrinkwrapped books, the long lingering fabric and lace. Did I miss it? Did I miss the opportunity to do the meaningful things? To be the good mom I want to be? I am nearly crushed by the weight of the money I've spent on these things and the remanants of my poor stewardship.What was I doing when this mess was being made? To be sure some of the time was sadly wasted. It is easy to berate myself for time slipped through my fingers. Cocoons are really rather nasty things.

Determined, I clear out the clutter. I tell myself that life is not black and white. It's not all bad or all good.  I fold fabric and recognize that what I have here is the beginning of some new projects. I gather acorn caps and felt and label them and tuck them away for the fall. I make a very large stack of books to sell secondhand. I sort and sweep and remember. I see picture after picture of smiling children. I see, in those color images, time well spent. Time well filled.  Their mama always looks tired. I recognize in  those pictures that my children were happy--are happy. And I also recognize that it's been a little while now since I felt that tired. It is true that much of my time in the last twenty years, I have been filling well. I have been holding and rocking and nursing and coloring and listening and reading and giving and giving...I have been cherishing childhood. And it is a true that in a household this size, it is darn near impossible for every corner of the house to remain clean and every lesson to be carried out according to plan ,while caring well for babies and toddlers.  Messes happen.

The season just passed? The very long season? It was good and full and messy and cluttered. It was bursting-at-the-seams joyful in a way nothing ever will be again. It was also very hard work. Very, very hard work.There were utter failures and big mistakes. And there was a whole lot of good. 

This new season? I don't know yet. It's not nearly as cluttered. I have stayed in this cocoon until every corner of my home, every nook and every cranny, has been cleared of the clutter of the last season. Every poor choice, every undisciplined mess has been repurposed. Every single one. I can see my way clear to do the meaningful things. And the blessing is that there are still plenty of children in this house to do them with me.

As I sweep the room for the last time before considering this a job well done, I see a picture that has slid under a bookshelf. It is Mike and me at our wedding rehearsal. I stare long and hard at that girl. But I stare longer at him. He is still every bit as happy as he was that night. Happier, really. Really happier. These days in this cocoon, I have been brutally honest with myself. I've held myself accountable for every transgression. I have humbled myself before God and I have confessed my sins.  I look at his image and then back at mine and I realize something very important. Whatever my failings, I have consistently been a good wife. I wonder at the ease with which this recognition comes to me. I am certain that much of it is born of his frequent words of affirmation. I know it is so because he has told me it is so. But why is it so?

Grace. 

Ours is a gracious God. It is only by His grace that I am the wife I am. And it is by His grace that I have this sense of peace about the most important relationship in my life. These children willl grow in the safe home he and I have created together. And then they will fly. Mike and I? We will be us. Always us.

I carefully put away the very last picture, turn out the light, and climb the stairs.

I've cleared out the clutter, made peace with the past. I've learned a very valuable lesson that I'm long going to be pondering in my heart. It's time to fly free.

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

 

Small Steps focuses on humility this month. Would you share your thoughts with us, let us find you and walk with you? I'd be so grateful and so honored to have you as a companion. Please leave a link to your blog post below and then send your readers back here to see what others have said.You're welcome to post the Small Steps Together banner button also.

Are you crazy-busy, busy-crazy?

Me too!

I paused (briefly) last week to talk with Lisa Hendey and Rebecca Teti  about how busy this time of year can be and how we can endeavor to make sure that all the special times are truly special. We also talked about some ways to pray together as a couple and how to pray with other women. You can hear us here.

And, I hit the crazy-busy thing again (big theme in my life this week?) at the Arlington Catholic Herald. You can read that column here. Please? And thank you:-)

NItty Gritty Rhythm

This post is ridiculously long, but it answers lots of the nitty-gritty questions I get regarding how we juggle a really busy sports schedule, a traveling dad, and many kids over a big age span. If you hang in there and read, the answers are here. I wrote it several weeks ago and decided to hold it because there was too much detail about our daily whereabouts. Soccer season is coming to a close now, though, so it will all change.

Last summer, in the days before the feast of St. Anne, I offered a heartfelt (desperate?) novena. I so needed her intercession in the matter of my daily and weekly rhythm. Some of you might recall that when I wrote about the struggle I was having with burnout and exhaustion as a result of demands on my time, I offered no possible solutions. I didn’t even try. I crashed at the end of soccer season last spring and had no energy to figure anything out. Instead, I took comfort in the fact that summer would offer respite.

For as long as I’ve had children to ferry to and fro, my father-in-love has been willing and eager to help me whenever I had conflicts. Sadly, he is no longer well enough to play that role in our lives. He cannot pop over a pick up and deliver a child, cannot stay home with little ones if all the big ones have to be in different places. He cannot come fix this or that in my house when Mike is away or busy. He can’t do the late night or early morning run to the airport. He just can’t do it. When the day came last spring that that decision was made, I felt the rug yanked out from under me. All these years he’s been my go-to guy, the secret ingredient that made this crazy life more sane. I had no idea how much I depended on knowing there was a safety net until there wasn’t one. I struggled both with the fact that it rocked my world and with the intense sadness I felt for him and for us as we watch him decline.

When the time came to offer a novena in preparation for St. Anne’s feast, I recognized that the summer was half over and that very soon, I was going to have to revisit the dreaded SCHEDULE. No one on earth was going to rescue me. And I knew well that I could not figure this one out on my own.

I didn’t know how I was going to make the drive to where the boys play soccer in McLean (a good 45 minutes in traffic, a bad hour or more in heavy traffic) and get Mary Beth to ballet. I knew Christian would get himself where he needed to be, but that also meant he couldn’t help with anyone else. And when US Soccer plucked Patrick from the mix, that meant that it was a lot less likely that one teenager would remain home to care for little ones. It was going to be all of us driving, all the time. I worried that my little ones were lacking in play time and in time to make friends (particularly homeschooling friends). I worried I’d never have time to write. I just worried and worried.

And St. Anne heard it all. The plan presented itself to me in ways I could not imagine.

I get so many notes asking how to fit it all in, when to cook dinner, how to make sure family meals happen. This post is full of details and chances are your eyes will glaze over, but I offer it for the handful of people who are looking for just such details. More importantly, I offer it as a testimony to the power of prayer.

Let’s start on Monday morning. Dinner is prepped and put in the Dutch oven first thing. The day is going to lurch forward full speed ahead. If dinner isn’t ready to go before 10AM, we’re not going to eat. The rest of Monday morning is just the basics, school-wise (Reading, Bible and math), and then thorough cleaning of the house, with particular attention to the wood floors on the main level. Then we shove all the furniture out of the way to transform our home into a ballet studio.

When I could not figure a way to give ballet lessons (or any lessons) to my little girls because the times conflicted with everyone else and with retrieving Gracie from school and it was way too expensive, Mary Beth and her friend Mary Kate stepped in. Ballet is now in my dining room, sunroom, kitchen and family room, every Monday afternoon. It doesn’t cost me anything and there are 15 (18?—I’ve lost count)  other homeschooled girls to share the experience with Katie and Karoline. Now, my only problem is how to keep Katie from talking the whole time. So many friends, so little chat time.

While the girls dance, the boys play flag football with a whole bunch of other homeschooled boys. My friend and neighbor Mary Chris is the genius behind the very lowkey opportunity for good, old fashioned fun. Marisa comes out for football and ballet and she brings her little guy, my godson, Johnny. If you had told me in July that Marisa and I would have a chance to chat in person once a week, I would have been astonished. Also present for this golden hour is my friend Bonnie, with whom I used to walk for an hour every day. We go way back and I’m so blessed to be able to have time again on a regular basis to just bask in the warm glow of friendship.

After ballet and football, Becca, one of the moms whose son is on Nicholas’ soccer team, hustles the boys to practice. Christian takes Mary Beth to her dance class and goes on to his practice. I gather the girls, mine and Becca’s, and meet her at soccer practice a little while later. They all play in the park near the practice field. And I absolutely, positively luxuriate in lots and lots of conversation with a bright, faithful mother of many who also homeschools and is a fellow graduate of my alma mater. This is a rare blessing for which I am so very grateful. Now, I eagerly look forward to those Monday afternoons. (And we do it again on Thursdays, too.) My kids don’t whine about being dragged along to practice—instead they look forward to meeting their friends in the park. When it’s all over, we go home to dinner in the Dutch oven and I fall into bed in time for Monday Night Football. I’ve yet to make it past half time.

Tuesday is a bit more relaxed. Same long drive to practice, but this time I do it only with Stephen. Mary Beth and/or Christian are home with wee ones. I sit at the field with my laptop and write while he trains. There’s no wi-fi in the parking lot, but that’s a good thing. It’s writing time only; there’s no temptation to surf. Mary Beth and I prep dinner before I leave and she finishes off the cooking while I'm at training with Stephen. We eat when Stephen and I get home, which is just about when Mike gets home, too.

Wednesdays are crazy but again an unexpected blessing finds us. I make dinner really early on Wednesdays and pack two meals in bento boxes. I take both Stephen and Nick with me for the long drive (all these long drives are “read aloud” time and we are cranking through our reading list on audio).  I drop Nicky at his training and take Stephen with me to Starbucks. He eats his dinner, we chat, and then he reads and I write. Then, I take Stephen to practice, pick up Nick and repeat the process with a different child. At the end of the day, they’ve both had time alone with me. We’ve talked about books, maybe surfed a little together and just hung out a bit.

And on a recent Wednesday, when Nick’s training was canceled, but Stephen’s wasn’t, I discovered that I could drop Stephen a wee bit early and make it to a nearby (and beautiful) church for Adoration and confession.

Thursdays, both boys train again. Becca’s family arrives a little early for the practice time they share with Nick and they hang out with us during some of Stephen’s training, too. Have I mentioned how happy I am to have such good company? Thursday nights we eat dinner at the park. When Stephen is finished, I have just enough time to hustle to pick up Mary Beth. We get home really late and roll right into bed.

Fridays, we got nothin’. We stay home all day and love it.

Saturday mornings find me dropping Mary Beth at ballet and taking just the little girls grocery shopping. This is new for them. Ever since Michael learned to drive, I’ve avoided grocery shopping with little ones. When Michael was at home, he did with a very detailed list. Then, Christian did it for a while. Then, I’d drop Patrick off, let him do it and go back and pick him up after dropping girls at ballet.

Now, I actually look forward to the Saturday routine. I take my little girls to Whole Foods. We shop there and have breakfast.  We poke our way through the craft store. Then, we go to Costco and finish out our shopping. By that time, it’s time to pick up Mary Beth. It’s an unexpectedly happy thing. Who knew I’d ever like running errands? Not me

Just before Patrick left, we were shopping together. I bought a bag for my laptop and the boys dubbed it my “McLean office.” It’s true, that my work is only being done in fits and spurts in the car and at Starbucks while waiting out soccer practice in McLean. I have a schedule for meeting deadlines, but the reality is that there are fewer deadlines and much less writing because there is much less time to do it. But there is time to do it. God blesses the time there is.

Of course, as I write (in the car on a Tuesday), the light is waning quickly. I know that fading light this early in the evening means that all the times will shift soon and the schedule will change. I am not nearly as afraid of that as I once was.

It’s only time. In the end, God is in control of time. And when I hand it to Him, in all humility, He provides abundantly to meet my needs and to bless my diligence.

How do you do what you do?

I found myself with time to write, but a case of writer's block this evening. So, I went back through a file of questions I had saved. I haven't contributed to the question file for, oh, about two years. Don't know why I stopped filing questions there. It was a good idea, really. I think I'll return to that practice. And maybe this time, I'll be better about answering them promptly. Anyhooo, here's one from a few years ago:

For several years now I have been an ardent reader of your blog, message board posts, and various other articles, and I am just in awe of what you're able to accomplish in a given day. After reading your post this morning I called a good friend & said to her, "Okay, I have to know ... how does Elizabeth "do" all of this???  How does she stay motivated to declutter, take care of family, educate children, and do her writing?" 

 

I have a difficult time keeping my laundry caught up and often feel guilty that my baby is entertained by television while I try to get "caught up" around here.  So where do you begin?  Do you have a very rigid schedule that you adhere to, are your older children capable of and willing to give you a great deal of assistance with the younger ones? 

 

As a Catholic mom aspiring to be the wife, mother, friend, and educator God would have me be, I would be extremely grateful for any tips you could provide me on 'where to begin'.

Dear Elizabeth in SC,

Let's begin with the disclaimer: I do not feel qualified at all to tell you where to begin, which is probably why this post has lingered in my "question box" since March 2008. I really dislike didactic blog posts where the author sounds like she's got it all figured out and I often wonder just how old Paul meant for those Titus 2 women to be. I really don't know when I'll ever feel like I'm in a good place to advise. I do, however, like very much to share what works for me. And I live each and every day with the sure sense that there is never a bad time to shout the wonders of God. Whatever works, works because of His gracious goodness. Whatever fails, fails because I haven't listened well enough or been faithful enough to His commands. So, I'll share with you what works when it works and assure you that there are most definitely days--even seasons--of failure.

That brings me to the first part of your question: how does she stay motivated to declutter, take care of her family, educate children, and do her writing?

That's easy. I am motivated by the sheer joy of being alive and the awareness of what a fragile gift we are given with every breath. I know what it's like to wonder if I will live to raise my children. I have spent hours begging God for the chance to do His will with them. I had not one, but two extended periods of stillness in my life when all I wanted was to be well enough to be a good mom. And both times, when that gift of life was granted again, I resolved to live it to its fullest. I am eternally grateful just to be present in the lives of my family.

Today, I am often reminded of those hard days of stillness and fear. The reminders come in my inbox in the form of emails written by a dear friend. Many, many times those brief missives take the very last of her energy for the day. Sometimes, I read them at night and wake up in the morning with the resolve to do with the day not only what I had planned to do, but what she would do if only she felt well enough.

I don't know if this is at all helpful to you. I'm not sure you can take my experience and benefit from it. I think my experiences color every aspect of my life and because of them I bring different expectations to relationships and to duties. I am often surprised when I am misunderstood and I am increasingly aware that to live this way is almost like living with a sixth sense about life.

Now, let's look at the nitty gritty. I begin at the beginning. Generally, I have a grounded sense of why I'm here. I live to love my God and my family.  I'm not easily distracted by what's going on "out there." The one exception in my life was the wasted time I grew to regret last spring. That aside, I'm focused. With my husband, I prioritize and then I endeavor to live those priorities. I'll warn you, it isn't always a popular thing to do. And it's probably best to explain it over and over again (I don't do nearly enough of that--I assume people know). There are plenty of people out there who will tell you that I can go days (weeks?) without answering emails, returning phone calls, or nurturing friendships. I mean no harm and no disrespect. Quite the contrary, I simply mean to live simply inside the narrow parameters of my family life. I am very grateful for the friends who know and understand how I manage my time and love me anyway.

I start my days with exercise, the Divine Office and Morning Prayer. For me, those are critical to a day well lived. I put my husband before everything else. I carry him with me through the day and I don't hesitate to order my time and energy to meet his needs (and wants) as much, as well, and as often as I can. Marriage is a gift--to me, to him, and to our kids. I protect it with my very life. That means I don't always do some things one might expect me to do. Also, I prioritize according to his direction. I don't waste a whole lot of time thinking about it. I just do it.

For me, a good day begins in a tidy house. I have difficulty functioning in a house that's cluttered and disorganized. At different stages of my life, acquiring and maintaining order has meant different things. When we had three little children and only one car, my husband took a detailed list, three boys and his father, and went grocery shopping and to visit Grandma one evening every week. I power cleaned in the time he was gone. When I had seven children, was recovering from surgery and struggling with depression, we hired help to come in once a week. When I had three competent teenagers at home and someone to share driving duties and no one was nursing...oh, wait, I've never had that;-). You get the idea. Sit down with your husband; share your needs and your wants where your environment is concerned and figure out a way to get to order and to maintain order.

I do have a detailed, almost-to-the-minute schedule. I make a new one every season. And then I never look at it again. I just make them to see how it can all fit. If it can't all fit, something has to give. But once the schedule is made, I walk away from it. I have a general sense of what's to be accomplished in every block of time during the day and I hold myself to it, but I'm not a slave to tiny increments of time. One thing that is nearly non-negotiable in my household is naptime. If we have a napping baby, she gets to have her nap. That means I am really careful not to schedule outside commitments during naptime unless I have someone old enough at home to stay and make sure the baby sleeps.Usually, this means that we have a happy baby. We keep our eating times regular and our going to sleep times regular and then there is an expectation that everything else will fall in place. I paddle like crazy under water to be sure things swim smoothly on top.

I am usually  shy, but I am no longer afraid to say "no" in order to preserve order and maintain sanity. I am quite content with my community of eleven at home and in my heart. My focus is on them. I try hard not to assign too much baby and toddler care to my older children. An attachment parent to the very core of my being, I nurse my babies a long, long time (unless forced to wean around 2 years old by cancer or premature labor). Nursing means that my babies come back to me at regular intervals throughout the day for my undivided attention. It prevents me from delegating them too much, something that can easily happen in a household that has older children who love babies. I hold and hold and hold my babies until they squirm to get down. That said, my oldest daughter does do a lot of baby and child care. Much of it, she chooses to do herself. My kids practically came to blows this morning over who was to have the privilege of dressing the baby. In the end, Mary Beth won. Twenty minutes later, Sarah Annie appeared with a new outfit on, her hair in pigtails, and painted finger nails. Very sweet. For both of them.

In terms of education or household management, I make a lot of lists, think it all out. I'm very intentional. Sometimes, I get to attached to those lists and I start to bulldoze. But I do a lot less of that now than I did ten years ago. My motivation behind the lists is different now. I used to be motivated by keeping up appearances; I wanted everyone looking in to think I was capable and competent. Now, I'm motivated by peace of soul. I want to meet God at the end of the day and honestly tell Him I've been a graceful, good steward of the time He gave me. If my house isn't as tidy as I want it to be, it's probably not because I failed to do the important things; it's probably because I did do whatever was more important. And believe me, I think a clean house is important! It is not, however, a reliable measure of my worth.

I do have days when I feel all semblance of control slipping. And usually, those are messy house days or kids who won't do lessons days. Or both. Those are times I used to escape into the computer, because things stay tidy there. What I really need at those times is a little peace of heart--I need "quiet in a crowd."  You can get a fair bit of "alone time" to just think or pray when you hold in your hand a running vacuum. Now, when I'm tempted to go all "drill seargeant" on my kids because I want everything perfect right now, I vacuum and pray instead. If I get all the dog hair up and I'm still wanting to bulldoze, I do. The kids are probably in need of a good, honest nudge.

I'm a hands-on mom. I love to hold my children or to sit next to them and read aloud. Talking to them about big ideas or little mysteries is a happy thing. I'm fond of books and truly enjoy sharing them with the loves of my life. We are all blessed because I genuinely love education. When I face homeschooling, it's not with a sense of dread or duty. I truly delight in it (most days). That's such a blessing and I know it! I'm very grateful for the gift of that joy. I look at almost every encounter with the people I love as an opportunity to live a blessing. Once upon a time, I begged God to let me just read a story and then lie in the dark with a squirmy three-year-old while she drifted to sleep. He granted me the joy and I seize it as often as I can.

Oh dear! Is this any help at all? I do what I do the way I do it because it's the way God made me and how He continues to shape me through the people in my family and the experiences He's allowed me. At the end of the day--quite literally--it all comes down to getting on my knees and asking Him what He would have me do. And then, I compare notes with my husband and together we do whatever He tells us. I'm just happy He's given me such nice things to do.

A Room Where Best Friends Begin Their Forever

As it began to dawn on us that both Katie and Karoline would lose their "best friends" (only friends?) to moves in the same week, Mike grew very protective. He wanted to do something for them. We both really just wanted to protect them from the hurt. Truth be told, the hurt wasn't limited to the little girls. For the last five years, Gracie has been in the space between Katie and Karoline. They don't have any memories of life in this house without her in it.And it's difficult for all of us to remember a time when she wasn't part of the family.

It is no secret to anyone who knows me that I deal with stress by cleaning and organizing my house. My friends remember how immaculate the house was the day the cancer diagnosis came. Mike, however, does not clean when he is stressed;-). His role was different. He instructed me to do whatever it took to create a new place for three little girls to grow up as best friends. He actually said, "I want them to have the perfect little girls' room and I want the room to make them happy." He's a very sweet guy and nothing brings out the sweet in him like his little girls. So, I abandoned my plan not to spend any money. He wanted to make a gift of this room and I was the instrument.

 

The bed was given to us by my mother when we got married. It's queen-sized. Katie and Karoline can both sleep there.The Good Shepherd picture above the headboard was a gift to me from Patrick's godmother. I love the idea of the Good shepherd watching my sleeping babies.

This dresser came from my father's attic.

This one came from my mother's house. We need one for Sarah, but I'm going to scour Craigslist for awhile and see what pops up.

The bookcase came from Costco a couple of years ago.

My stepfather made the stuffed animal shelf for Michael's nursery 21 years ago. It has moved with us three times. And this bookcase was an old white pantry shelf in my in-law's basement before they moved. I painted it in a Home Depot Disney shade called "Invitation to a Princess." Appropriate, no?

The room didn't really need painting but it did sort of look worn. We found stickers at Target and covered all the dings with flowers and butterflies. Tah-dah! Much quicker than a coat of paint.

These curtains were too cute for words, so we picked them up when we picked up the stickers.

 

And then, I saw this rug. Hopscotch? Worth every penny just to watch Karoline try to do it. Worth even more to watch Daddy show Karoline how it's done.

Around this time, I learned that Jessica and I were doing the same thing three thousand miles from one another. That made Mary Beth and I giggle as we continued to decorate.

Above the bed are pictures of the girls in the bluebells. They are just gorgeous in these frames. We're doing one above the chest for Karoline, so there will be three in all, but Target needs a little time to replenish the stock. Costco did a fabulous job with the enlargements, just like Lori said they would.

The little girls helped with all the moving out and they were there as we moved furniture in, but we banished them to the basement while we stuck flowers on the walls and hung curtains at the window. When we invited them back to their new room, they reacted exactly as their Daddy had hoped.

 

The quilt on the bed was actually Mary Beth's. I pulled it off her bed and was delighted by the way it looked in the room.

That left Mary Beth without a quilt and so begins the story for tomorrow..

 

The "Plan" Part of Planning for a Peaceful Home

In prior columns, I’ve explored the ideas of a morning offering and of time set aside to listen and hear God. Now, for the “plan” part of the plan for a peaceful home.

We begin by offering the day to the Lord, opening ourselves to the grace He freely offers and ensuring that even our failures are redemptive. Then, during a time of spiritual reading and meditation, we listen to Him, and we resolve to do whatever He tells us to do that day. Usually, I write this resolution in a little notebook, where I can refer to it and remind myself of it throughout the day. The resolution fits within the context of my daily life, my work in the world, my vocation in the home. And it’s that “daily life” component that needs a clear direction.Read the rest here.

And then c'mon back and tell me your best planning tips in the comment box.

Saturday

 

Did some major organizing today, all the sitting down kind:-). It was a sort of a combination of the home notebook ideas and all Dawn's file crate ideas. It helped me clear all this "stuff" out of my head and into its place so that I can do some serious work at my "new" desk this coming week. At least that's what I'm telling myself as I procrastinate and ponder a deadline more than conquer it. (I just might clean that computer screen. It doesn't look like that in real life--who knew;-)?)

Coming up for Air

I woke up this morning and did something I haven't been able to do for over three weeks. I took in air through my nose. Gingerly, I sat up in bed and wondered where my head was. I couldn't feel it. I mean, it didn't hurt. I leaned over. Ah. There it was. Still painful. I swallowed. Yep. Still have a throat and it still hurts, too. And my neck and shoulders? Check. They're there. But I'm making progress. I sort of feel better.

I wandered downstairs to the kitchen, hoping that Michael's arrival home yesterday would mean that three thoughtful teenaged boys cleaned the middle floor when I went to bed early. Maybe not. It was trashed. And I do mean trashed. As in no one did the dishes or took the trash out and the dog had a party while we slept. Who's training these kids anyway? I offer my sincere apologies to my future daughters-in-law. I'm trying really. They just don't get it. Something about conference championships and Sports Center. They are flirting with the potential for me to give new meaning to March Madness.

Oh, dear. I asked a friend recently how long we'd been sick.  I 've lost track of time; I truly have. She thinks it started right after Ash Wednesday. I think she's right. Some year, I'm actually going to get to pick my Lent.  My grand plan for Lent was to declutter. I was going to spend the whole time ridding myself of stuff which is weighing me down and impeding my family's spiritual progress towards getting to Mass on time heaven. I did manage to begin to gather "stuff" into big black bags to give away. And I did make one "clutter truck" pick up date. There's another tomorrow. And I've read all sorts of great goings-on in the de-cluttering world.

Rebecca got me going ( in real life, no less) and she has faithfully patted my head and told me not to worry as I've bemoaned my stalled progress. Sarah inspired my clothing purge and I'm really considering the sock thing, too. There's nothing like a nesting mom to truly give us all a kick in the tushy. My children are hoping Emily will deliver soon, lest they have nothing left to wear. Seriously, I need to go back through and pare everyone down to fewer outfits. I still cannot manage the clothes in this house despite the huge volume we gave away.

Bless her heart, Cheryl has done what I was so hoping someone would do: she's begun the schoolroom organization discussion. The reality is that no matter what one thinks of Peter Walsh or all the other organizational experts out there, there is both a quantitative and qualitative difference in the homes of large homeschooling families.[Incidentally, speaking of Peter Walsh, does this clutter make my butt look fat? Yes, it must. Because when I lived in a much smaller house and had far fewer things, I was much thinner. Of course, I was fifteen years younger,  had one quarter the number o f children and none of them played sports yet and we didn't homeschool--but still, I was skinny.Must be the clutter.]

First, there's the "large" part of large, homeschooling families.  Last summer, my daughter was the recipient of three pairs of flip-flops. Why, I asked, does anyone need three pairs of flip-flops? There was a great sale and for a dollar a pair, why not? Here's why not: There are ten people in my home. Each person has two feet. If every one of them had three pairs of flip-flops, I would have to find places for 60 shoes. And that's just the flip-flops. Now, add the everyday play shoes. Everyone needs at least one pair. Then church shoes. Four boys need soccer cleats and the same four boys need indoor soccer shoes. Three boys need basketball shoes. One boy needs football cleats. My husband says he needs both a pair of brown work shoes and a pair of black work shoes. Two girls need ballet flats. One needs jazz shoes and tap shoes.  We've just added pointe shoes to the mix. The rain boots for every child work as snow boots with heavy socks. In the summer, we'll add sandals. I haven't mentioned my shoes. I'm sure I've missed some other essential shoes and  I cannot do the math. Someone let me know how many shoes that is. Don't count the flip-flops. No one needs one more just because she can have one more.

The truth is big families do need more stuff. Shall I count pairs of underwear for you? Or socks perhaps? But we live in houses designed for average-sized families and so we must be more careful than the average family about what we bring into the house and how we store it when it's here. We don't get rid of the baby toys and the toddler toys when people outgrow them because there are babies and toddlers waiting for them, thank God. And we buy the big kid toys to add to the collection. We have a whole lot of toys. Still, do we need this many? Can we pare down the toys to nearly nothing and opt for wide open spaces instead?

Now, take into account the "Home" part of homeschooling. We are here all day. My school aged children do not leave for six hours a day and allow me to tidy and straighten and purge and clean. Indeed, they stay here and take things out and eat lunch at home, thereby messing up the kitchen again. Because they learn here at home, we have things at home that many families do not have. We have more books than I can count. We have paper in every color under the sun. We have a fully stocked craft shelf (which is currently spilling onto the floor). We have map puzzles. We have cuisenaire rods. We have sandpaper letters. We have Latin lessons on DVD. And we have notebooks. Ah, yes, we make notebooks for every unit. We have nature study notebooks, picture study notebooks, sacrament preparation notebooks. Shall I multiply the notebooks like I did the shoes? Should I change my teaching style to one of consumable workbooks which can be thrown away when completed? Because I'm telling you what, no one wants to part with his or her notebook. And neither do I. I'm glad Cheryl has started us thinking about what to keep and what to purge in terms of home education. My problem is that I do not want to buy resources again and yet, not everything is in use all the time. The simple solution would be to box and store but I have a big house with very little storage space. That is, we have fairly large rooms and quite a few of them, but no attic space and little basement storage space. Everything is right out there in the open. And just so you know, my learning room no longer looks anything like this. But hope springs eternal and one day it will again.

What about the garage? Glad you asked. Yesterday, I told those charming teenaged boys that we were going to spend just a half hour clearing the trash out the garage. I promised it wouldn't hurt and I promised I'd keep it short. Then, I knocked over 4 gallons of white paint. I'm not going to waste time and energy wondering who put a contractor's sized vat of white paint in the garage without putting the top on securely. It took us more than half an hour to get out of the garage yesterday. And that's about all I had in me. I wanted to de-clutter for Lent. I got the flu instead.

So, I'm going to go drop more grapefruit seed extract down my throat and squirt more tea tree oil into my sinus passages. I'm going to make another cup of very hot tea with honey and lemon. I'm going to wake these children who don't understand that even homeschoolers need to adjust to the time change. And I'm going to keep on keeping on. Because, by golly, we have nearly two weeks left of Lent and I'm going to clear out the clutter. I am.

Not just your ordinary de-cluttering

This is a holy mission, a quest to find time and space for God.It is an imperative for authentic Catholic homemaking. This is a clearing of soul as I pursue a clearing of space. And time. Colleen captures it better than I do:

Over and over I have talked myself out of this being the problem.  Over and over I have reasoned that I just needed more containers and bookshelves (stuff for my stuff).  And over and over I have found myself lying in bed at night feeling like a total failure because of the state of my stuff.  Even on a day when we have prayed together, learned together, played together, I can often find myself guilt-ridden at night because I was not able to manage my home as I think I should. If stuff is in the way of my experiencing God's love and mercy, it's definitely the problem. Read the rest here.

My Very Last Calendar-Home Companion Book Post (for now;-)

I've been thinking a lot about planning and organizing and writing it all down. I love lists. So, I've been thinking, thinking, thinking. I've been thinking while I drive and thinking while I vacuum and thinking while I sort a million boxes of out-size, out-season clothes. I've been thinking while I pack up some of the Christmas decorations, thinking while I clean out my closet (which previously held all the Christmas chaos), thinking while I de-clutter and streamline the learning room. I've been thinking while I go to ballet, to basketball, to indoor soccer, to outdoor soccer. That's a lot of thinking. And the thing I think the most is that whatever I commit to paper or 'puter, it's got to be simple because for all my thinking, there's just not a whole lot of time to write it all down. In this family, we've been open to life for twenty years and now, our house is teeming with life, thank God. So, mostly my thinking has been limited to what's working, because, frankly, I haven't time to waste on what's not working. Let's just go with what's good enough and get on with the show. For 2008, "good enough" is the new excellent.

It's working to divide that original Home Companion Book into three:  The Faith Book, The Kitchen Book, and The Home Management Book. There are calendars specific to each of them and that works just fine. I guess there should be a book for "school," but honestly it's all in the computer and it's much less cluttered there.

In the Faith Book, there are dividers for every month and a divider for  Lent and the Easter season (since those don't fit neatly into a particular month). Behind each divider, I am saving novena prayers, tea and a craft ideas and craft of the week ideas, and ideas from other bloggers. I'm printing from Catholic Culture as necessary and making notes of my own middle of the night inspiration. I have found that when a great idea appears on my computer screen, it helps me enormously to cut and paste it to a Word document and print it. Then, I put it in the binder and I try very hard to let go of any guilt it has inspired. If it is possible for me to get to that great idea and put it into action in my house in the near future, I do. If not, I know it's there. It won't disappear if the website does. It is not urgent. If it's a great idea this year, it will still be a great idea next year. Or when I no longer have a nursing baby. Or when I'm looking for something wonderful and creative and nurturing to do with my grandchildren. The liturgical year goes around and around and around again. Ever old, ever new. We don't have to do it all today; we can save some for later. That's the beauty of the binder. No guilt.

Another component of the faith binder is a page with the Mother's Liturgy of the Hours, taken from Holly's Notebook. Here's where I've sketched out a general rhythm of prayer. Again, the plan is in place, but it sure would be a shame if I made myself unavailable for a child who needed me or cranked up the cranky to meet the schedule, thereby sinning in order to pray. God knows that good enough is the new excellent.

The Kitchen Book holds all the things it did when it was a section in the big book, now updated to reflect the current state of my kitchen.

• a Basic Kitchen Inventory Download healthy_kitchen_basic_inventory.1.doc which I use to generate a grocery list
• A weekly menu. Yes, this used to be a three week cycle menu. No longer. Now, it is the epitome of boring simplicity. It works for me. The grocery buying is fine tuned to the point that I do my co-op ordering and then I can send a teenaged boy into Costco and have him emerge with the week's groceries eighteen minutes later. That's pretty streamlined:-). I cook. I love to cook. But I'd rather spend my time in the roll-up-your-sleeves, tie-on-your-apron place than in front of the computer or the cookbooks planning meal after meal. If I can get a homecooked meal on the table every night and feed everyone reasonable lunches and dinners, that's good enough. And good enough is the new excellent, remember?
• All the recipes that go with the meals in the cycle menu are in the kitchen book which is kept in the kitchen:-).
• The co-op order form (we order all our poultry, eggs, butter and many dry goods from a Virginia farm once a month) is in the kitchen book so that I can make pen and paper notes during the month. Ordering happens online.
• An inventory of all the food in the upright freezer (twice a year, we order a side of beef) is kept current (or as current as possible when midnight marauders eat steak surreptitiously and think no one will notice).
• Then, there is a calendar section to this binder, too. Here's where the seasonal recipes go. The pumpkin cake we always have on Halloween, the Seder dinner recipes, the Easter menu and recipes and directions for the lamb cake, the peppermint bark recipe--it's all here ready to remind me and to take the stress out of continuing traditions.
• Finally, I've included diet diary forms from Holly Pierlot's Mother's rule of Life Workbook. It's helpful for me to see exactly what I'm putting in my mouth. 'Nuff said there.

The idea here for me is to commit it to paper once and then let it go from my brain. I'm not going to think about what to have for dinner on Monday night until the seasons change again. I'm finished thinking about it. I'm not going to think through a grocery list. If the menu plan isn't perfect (and it isn't), it's adequate and everyone is growing well. So, I'm moving away from the plans and onto the real world in my kitchen.

The Home Management notebook is remarkably unchanged since the original post.
I did download Motivated Moms 2008 schedule. For $8, it's a bargain. It isn't adequate to cover the housekeeping needs of a family my size in a house like mine, but it's a good start. I refer to it in order to update my weekly chore list with things that I might not have considered. Since the original post  I  have re-written the chore chart to reflect the departure of my greatest asset (Michael left for college).For the children, having the chores committed to paper is crucial. There is no confusion about whose night it is to clean the kitchen or whether the family room needs vacuuming. For me, the discipline most required is self-discipline. I know better than to expect what I don't inspect. I need to do a whole lot of inspecting.

Finally, there's the Home Education component to calendars. Sigh. I heard it once said that homeschoolers don't put their children in schools because they can't find an adequate algebra program, they put them in schools because they can't find a pair of matching socks. I cannot tell you how many times that sentiment has echoed in my head as my husband has tried to pack for a business trip. What is it with laundry?? Really. What is it? All the Catholic homemaking systems have to work at least reasonably well or the final component --the education at home component--just doesn't happen. It has helped me to take the chore list and the diet diary sheet and the weekly menu and do the clipboard thing. I have a million kids.I need to think things through carefully and then I need visual reminders. What is most important on that clipboard is a global checklist of all the possible school things they could or should be doing and who could or should be doing them. This is where I'm concentrating. No one is going to be idle because I've got a clipboard and by golly, if they are idle, I'm going to whop them upside the head with it consult the clipboard and gently remind them of what remains to be done.The chart is still in its testing stages, but it looks sort of like this. Download planning_chart.doc

Now, let's get real. The thinking, thinking, thinking is important. I don't think anyone can manage a household and a large family without giving earnest thought to goals and routines. We need to be thoughtful; we need to consider constantly where we are and where we want to be. But, we also need to recognize, that, in the words of a wise mother of many, "some stuff is going to happen." Every day, usually several times a day, some stuff is going to happen. And it won't be the stuff on the lists. It will be other stuff. And because of the other stuff, some stuff is going to be undone. The prayerful planning allows us to focus, but it's the willingness to relinquish the plans for the greater good that leaves us open to His abundant grace. And that--that openness--is what it is to truly be open to life.

Visit Red Sea School for the Carnival of Homeschooling and more calendar ideas than you can imagine. I'm not exaggerating; I've never seen such a huge carnival!

The Rhythm of Prayer

When I first starting reconsidering Rhythm and Beauty, I began to make notes about how I wanted to incorporate the rhythm of the Lord into every moment of our day. It seemed at once overwhelming and simple to infuse our days with God's rhythm. After all, our God is a God of order and our Church has its own daily rhythm. But, I am not a monk and often my monastery bells are of the childish variety.This post is nearly six months in the writing.
    The Church's rhythm is the Liturgy of the Hours. The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that , "The Liturgy of the Hours is intended to become the prayer of the whole people of God." Even mothers with houses full of little children:-). John Paul II had great faith in the ability of the laity to prayer the Divine Office. He used his Wednesday audience to teach on the Psalms and he began his teaching with these words:

In the Apolostolic Letter Novo Millenio Ieunte, I expressed the hope the the Church would become more and more distinguished in the "art of Prayer" learning it ever anew from the lips of the divine master. This effort must be expressed above all in the liturgy, the source and summit of ecclesial life. Consequently, it is important to devote greater pastoral care to promoting the Liturgy of the Hours as a prayer of the whole people of God...If, in fact, priests have a precise mandate to celebrate it, it is also warmly recommended to lay people.

If John Paul II warmly recommended it, that works for me. There was no caveat against mothers praying the Hours or no warning that it is not intended for households with children under three. Just a warm recommendation. Like pretty much everything else worthwhile in a homeschooling mom's life, this endeavor required organization. It took a good deal of time to learn about how the Divine Office is prayed and for what all those different ribbons were sewn into Christian Prayer. The Unversalis site is an excellent source. If you don't mind sitting in front of your computer, you can almost pray the entire office from the site. It's a good way to become familiar with the different components as I fumble with all those ribbons.I've linked the site at the top of the righthand sidebar.  I learned that the Office is flexible enough to work in my household, provided that I'm disciplined enough to make it happen.
     Morning Prayer is meant to be said first thing in the morning. First, I pray the Invitatory Psalm (the Church's introduction to her gifts for the day).After that, Lauds consists of a hymn, two psalms , an Old Testament canticle, a short reading, and prayers of intercession. These prayers are ideally followed by Mass. Morning Prayer is fairly simple for me to pray on a regular basis. I am a morning person and this is what I do first thing. Ideally, I follow my morning prayer with the Office of Readings. This is the flexible part. It can be said at any time of day at all. Usually, I fix Nicholas a cup of tea and set him up with the sports page after Morning Prayer. Then, I can do the Office of Readings. If Kari awakens, she'll nurse while I pray. Anyone else can wait for me. This is my time to truly immerse myself in the Word and to listen to God. It's a good time to take notes and make resolutions. It's also a time to consult Divine Intimacy, for Carmelite inspiration. If, for some reason (and I can think of eight or nine), I am interrupted, I can move the Office of Readings to naptime. If worse comes to worst, I can take it with me and go early to pick up at ballet or soccer and pray it in the car while I wait.
    The Office of Readings contains much food for thought and prayer. There is a sizable Scripture reading, followed by a second reading, taken from the early Church or old homilies or from the writings or biographies of the saints. Truly, our faith is so beautifully revealed in the Office of Readings that I'm astounded that it's such a well-kept secret! This is the good stuff--the stuff that will sustain us and make us holy. This is the Word of God and the living faith of His people. It's all here. And it's so organized. Perfect, perfect rhythm (and those who know me, know I never, ever say "perfect").
    I do like to pick out the collect for the day and a brief biography of the saint to share with the children before we begin lessons.Usually, I find these at Catholic Culture.We also pray a decade of the rosary and a morning offering and consecration prayer. I love the Patmos rosary book for the joyful mysteries and I do hope that there are more coming soon. The daytime prayers--Terce, Sext, and None--are to be said separately at about nine, noon and three or I can choose to say one single daytime prayer, depending on the time it's said. Usually, it's simple enough to say this one with the children at noon, before lunch.
    Vespers is tricky. Frankly, my life is pretty crazy and entirely lacking in rhythm at this hour of day. Every day is different and it even differs from day to day and week to week. I'm told that this hour is supposed to take me from the bustle of the day to the calm of the evening. I find that I need to put it off until I'm nursing the baby to sleep.And, truthfully, this is where I start to fade. So it takes real effort for me to focus and stay awake during Vespers.
    The Compline is the Church's night prayers.These are fairly easy to say in community--my community is my family. The Compline can be combined with Vespers and as my children get older, I'd like to see that happen. For now, I use The Night Prayerbook with the children and we say the Compline together.This is also our time for any seasonal novena.The exception is Sunday Vespers. Patmos has done a beautiful job of making Sunday Vespers accessible for family prayer and so,we get to that as often as possible.I've found it helps to light a candle and make it quiet, holy and apart from the rushabout routine. I'm slowly working on ideas for special candles. We have very much enjoyed using my "JOY" luminaria since Gaudete Sunday. So I'm brainstorming for what to light during ordinary time.It also helps to pray at the same time every night, as much as possible.
    I fall asleep saying the rosary. If I don't finish (and I often don't), I ask my guardian angel to finish for me. I am also a huge, huge fan of a rosary CD in the car and the iPod so that I can hear the rosary while driving or while pushing a stroller around the block. I sneak a decade in when nursing or washing dishes. I'm still pretty much addicted to the rosary.
    This sounds like so much!And it is. But it's not. It's one of those things that, once you do it, you wonder how you ever functioned without it. Truthfully, tell me, if someone told you fifteen years ago that you'd be spending the time you do sitting in front of a computer screen, wouldn't you have been amazed? How would you find that kind of time? But you made that time, didn't you? And in many ways you are a better person for the things you've discovered during that time. Praying the Liturgy of the Hours comes with no caveats. The time you found for the computer has been good time and it's been wasted time. Really.
The time you spend with God? It's all good.

Family Planning

Don't you love a new calendar, all fresh and clean and ready to take on the adventures that await in a brand new year? Last year, I used a MomAgenda. I was disappointed with the some of the features (mostly offensive quotes that jumped out at me and made me sorry I paid for the privilege of reading them again and again for a week). But I did love the column format of the MomAgenda, even if the columns close to the binding were a bit difficult to use. It was all bound into a book--sometimes a pro, sometimes a con. In September, I started using Google Calendar. I'm still using it, though not as regularly as I should. The nice thing about Google Calendar (well, one of the nice things) is that as soon as I get an email from a coach or a teammate about a practice or event, I can add it directly. No searching for the planner which might be in my diaper bag or might be in the kitchen. The bad thing about Google Calendar? It's not in my diaper bag or the kitchen. The good thing about Google Calendar? I can share the calendar with my husband and with friends, too (a huge blessing when I was tweaking learning schedules). I created a calendar for each child's school plans, a liturgical year calendar, an appointment and activity calendar, a calendar for household chores. I was a calendar-crazed mama! These are printable, though not nearly as nice to print as the calendars one can create on a Mac. Sigh. All that work and I ended up with calendar envy.I'm still tweaking my Google calendars and hoping the geniuses at Google will figure out way to take all the extraneous junk out of the printable versions. Or that I get a Mac for my birthday.

In the meantime, I miss my kitchen refrigerator at-a-glance-where-is-everybody calendar. I wanted something pretty and warm that celebrated the season in a family's life. It's no secret I'm a huge fan of Susan Branch. This year, I'm going to use The All for One and One for All 2008 Family Planner. Susan says that her greatest claim to fame was being the oldest of eight children. This is a family -friendly calendar with columns like the MomAgenda. (There are only five columns, though, which means I might need two.) Instead of politically charged demoralizing quotes there are delightful illustrations and a sprinkling of happy thoughts. Here's an interesting little tidbit: my husband sat and flipped through the entire thing and read all the notes and such. He even noticed all the eye-candy. This is a man who's most recent calendar is dated 1997. And it's not written in at all. At least he looked at this one:-). I think this one will end up duplicating the online appointments and activities calendar but it will stay put on the fridge for reference. The Google one will catch all the updates and it will be printed when necessary for Dad.I'll continue to rely on checking in with Catholic Culture daily to plan ahead and to immerse myself in the day of the Church. As I do that, I note what I want to remember on the Google Calendar for the liturgical year. Eventually, Google will work out its print issues and won't I have a great printable resource for my Faith Home Companion notebook?
I have ceased searching for the perfect calendar for my organizing purposes. Very few (no?) planner people are planning for ten people in a household. Then again, I once talked to Sean Covey about his planners and he has a whole gaggle of kids. We agreed then that the Simplicity pages worked best for large household management.I haven't yet tried Franklin Covey electronic planning. Maybe that would be the solution...Probably not. I have trouble seeing past the whole corporate mentality. I'm organizing and inspiring a family, not running a business. There's a huge difference and that difference really needs to be reflected from the get go. If our planning has a purpose, it has to be a family purpose.
Really, there is no perfect planner. I know that. The key to making all this planning and preparing work is discipline. I need to decide on a system and then work the system.I can tweak a bit as we go and read about other ideas, but in the end, what matters most is that I am faithful enough to stick with it. No planning system works if it's abandoned the third week of January for nothing, or even for the next thing to come along. I can't establish rhythm if I'm twisting in the wind, whether I'm looking for that rhythm in my household management, my school plans, or my prayer life.
The waning days of December are so peaceful. Happy children are engrossed in new toys and books. There is little pressing in the way of obligations. We have a little respite from the regular lesson schedule. it's a great time to build a fire and curl up under a Christmas comforter and ponder how to make it all work in the new year. So, I think I'll do that today. More later. Much more.:-)

With an eye towards rhythm and beauty

Late last month, Michael went up to a family reunion apart from us. There isn't room in our van for everyone...
He took the train and stayed with Aunt Diane in her apartment overlooking Central Park, meeting us on Long Island for the birthday party. He had an excellent time, hung out in museums by himself and then went back to my aunt's and learned a great deal about the world of art collection.  When he returned home, he shared his pictures. Nicky, far from being bored, begged for more.

I had ample opportunity, over the course of two weeks between the New York trip and Michael's departure, to talk with him about his education before he left to begin a new chapter. He told me how he thinks in pictures. He mentioned how rhythmic he remembers his early childhood days being. We drew lots of pictures and took lots and lots of walks.He napped every day , well past his sixth birthday. We read hours of stories. We hung out at the creek behind our house. We baked a lot of bread. We both remember the pictures, the walks, the naps, the books, the creek, and the bread. Neither of us remembers "school" work.

I find it interesting that one of his constant companions from those days is now at the Savannah College of Art and Design. As toddlers, they used to quarrel over colors. Now, Michael plans to major in communications and art. His favorite high school buddy contributed her pictures to my book. She's on her way to Russia to train with the Kirov Ballet. Her mother was Michael's confirmation sponsor. And his art teacher. Art. It was woven into the fiber of the relationships of his childhood. One night, during the weeks of those intense conversations and intense packing, the last thing I said to my husband before I feel asleep was, "I wish he could be forever intently painting golden angels at our kitchen table."

I mentioned my comment to a kindred spirit as we were discussing plans for the coming year. Like me, she's been at this home education endeavor for a long time.And like me, she has come to the end of the chapter with older children. What we both have discovered is that we yearn for rhythm and beauty in our days with the children left at home. Is it possible, I wonder, for beauty to have a central place in planning an education? My friend thinks so. Michael thinks so. And, as I think out loud, my daughter thinks so.

Even if they aren't visual learners, most children think in pictures.They move from the concrete to the abstract by creating a picture of the concrete in their brains as the meaning of the abstract takes shape. Art bridges that transition and it transcends it.

In  a bit of irony, I dusted off some old books and became acquainted with some new ones while I pondered the place of an art-inspired curriculum in my teaching past and in my future. I've linked those books in the sidebar. They are filled with thoughts and ideas of making art, nature, beauty central to the curriculum. Far from being superfluous fluff, creativity and enabling children to make some meaningful with their hands is important to their academic and spiritual growth. I think that I think in narrative, rather than in pictures, but my narrative is almost always full of visual description.Together, rich narrative (quality literature) and fine art are foundations of a rich education.

My first memory of an art-inspired curriculum is the result of a serendipitous  collision of convenience and laziness. When I was in college, I lived in a sorority house across the street from an Episcopal church. In the basement of that church, was the very beginning of a Waldorf school. At the time, I was babysitting frequently for a beloved teacher's two children in a darling house in a neighboring town. I mentioned to her one day that I didn't have a car  to drive to my practicum the following semester. She took me into her dining room, pointed to the gorgeous watercolors her sons had hung on the wall and told me to request that I teach in the Waldorf school her sons attended. The one that was right across the street from my sorority house.

I adored this teacher. She was the closest I ever came to hero worship. She taught me how to teach reading and she taught me how to create a unit study. She inspired me beyond words.  And I loved her. If she thought I should teach there, I'd teach there. In hindsight, I wasted time. I learned about art-infused curriculum and I learned about the importance of play and imagination. But I was young and there are so many, many questions I didn't ask. I never questioned the "new age-ness" of Waldorf; it never occurred to me, particularly since we were in the basement of a church. I  never once heard the term "anthroposophy."  I just learned to love the smell of beeswax in my hands and the feel of watercolor in a fully-loaded brush. I tucked away a small, black and white copy of the Hearthsong catalog and literally kept it until I had an infant of my own (strange things in my hope chest). I finished my semester and moved on to other placements in conventional schools.

My early home education days naturally reflected the influence of my spring days in a Waldorf school and the influence of that beloved teacher. I didn't call it "Waldorf" and it wasn't. But it was infused with the light and color and warmth that characterizes Waldorf education. In the years since Michael's early childhood, there has been a proliferation of Waldorf-inspired materials. One book after another bursts with ideas. Some books require much sifting of new age thoughts and attitudes and, truthfully, I have little time or patience for those. But some just sing with the gentleness and respect for childhood that is inherently a truth shared by all good educators. I want to reclaim that rhythm and beauty this year. With a tired nod to efficiency, we've given too much time and attention to paper and #2 graphite pencils. My children need to paint and draw and sculpt and build and craft and read and listen and wonder at the glory of nature.

So, now what about those PLANS? Ah, the plans. There will be no plans this year like the carefully plotted plans of last year. This hasn't been a summer like last. And, if at this point of the summer, I become the caught up in intensive planning, I will run the risk of missing all of September in pursuit of committing the perfect plans to paper. That can't happen.

Instead, I'm focusing on rhythm and beauty--both created and natural. In establishing rhythm, my first focus is on faith. We will sing with the rhythm of the Church in our days, our weeks and our year. Daily, our lives are framed by prayer: morning offerings, daily rosary, noon Angelus, examination of conscience and evening prayer. We'll learn poetry for the season and memorize it together every day. We'll work on main lesson books appropriate for each age in a room filled with purposeful activity. We will draw and paint. Well sculpt with beeswax when we listen to stories. And we will set aside afternoons for play.

Each week, we will have a day for tea and a liturgical craft. Dawn reminded me that this was my idea, to teach the faith within the context of the liturgical year with teatime as my tableau. But she has taken what might have been my good idea and she has made it great. Nearly an entire year's worth of "tea and a craft" ideas are at By Sun and Candlelight for my planning pleasure. What a gift!

I've also said that there is likely nothing that can't be taught with a well-written picture book. One of the highlights of our year is the annual revisiting of Tomie de Paola for Advent and Christmas. We read and cook and craft and every year, we learn something new. Cay has taken the idea of picture books for the liturgical year to higher heights. And entire year's worth of plans already exist for teaching the faith within the context of the liturgical year through children's  literature. We'll use Catholic Mosaic to its fullest this year.

Along with a liturgical tea and craft day, I'll plan a nature tea and craft day as well. We'll take nature walks and then we'll do some of the many activities in those books on the sidebar. God has granted us time to appreciate Him in nature. I plan to take that time this year and appreciate the gift it is.

The plans are sparse, I admit. But they are also clear and warm, much like they were when first I began to travel the home education journey. We didn't have the internet and so many voices competing for our attention. We didn't have the virtual quest for perfection that can be the world of blogging. We didn't have the clutter of too many good ideas. I had, instead, a stack of books, a pocket of crayons, some good paper, some colored pencils, some paint, some beeswax, a nearby park, and a pair of walking shoes. Worked for us! And I think it can again.

While I appreciate the beauty, the materials and some of the methods of Waldorf education, I am not a follower of Rudolf Steiner, his educational philosophy, or his religion. I am a practicing Catholic who is very clear in teaching the faith to her children. Please see this post for any further explanation of incorporating methods or materials that might also appear in Waldorf schools into your home. Take inspiration from what is good and what in in harmony with the true faith and leave the rest. If you can't discern, then leave it all alone.

A Lady Lives Here--Our Lady Lives Here

It must be that nesting urge, combined with all those rosaries, but my thoughts these days are turning evermore to hearth and home and how we can live here with the gentleness and grace of Our Blessed Mother. Donna Marie has posted such an inspiring look at Elegant Simplicity. And, in true traditional style, we’ve talked about it at 4Real. But still, my mind is a whirl.  Where I am from, homes look perfect. But it’s been far too long a road back from the misery of perfectionism. I know that’s not what Our Lady wants for me and I know that’s not what the home of a lady is. Homes where ladies live are homes where the words of John Paul II are taken to heart by the homemaker who lives there:

By taking Mary into his own home, John showed her his filial affection...John's action was the execution of Jesus' testaments in regard to Mary.  But it had symbolic value for each one of Christ's disciples, who are asked to make room for Mary in their lives, to take her into their own homes.  By virtue of these words of the dying Christ, every Christian life must offer a space to Mary and provide for her presence.

Certainly a devotion to Mary is obvious in home where she lives.  Carefully chosen statues and images are nicely displayed there.  Alice is so good at welcoming Mary with style that rises above the cheesy, sanctimonious religious arts and crafts.  If something is truly precious, it needs to look that way. Collections, whether they are polished rocks or religious icons, should never be clutter. Instead, if it matters enough to be invited into our homes, it should be treated and displayed like it matters. A cluttered, disheveled home is much like an unkempt, disheveled woman—certainly not the look of a lady.What is truly important is not the statue or the icon or any of the "stuff" at all, but the palpable presence of Our Lady and the way it is infused in the atmosphere.

However, homes of true ladies are not magazine-perfect, nor so clean that they are sterile.  Instead, they are inviting.  Beauty is not a buff, polished, dyed, surgically-corrected woman in clothes that could finance an Indian family for a year. Beauty is the acceptance of the body created perfectly for the soul He infused in it. It’s good stewardship and care of that temple.  It’s attention to detail but not obsession and vanity. It’s being ladylike:  with gentleness and grace that are a style of their own. And so it is at home.

Sights and smells and even sounds of those ladylike homes welcome the weary to stay and be comforted.  Whether it’s a simple vase of flowers on a dreary January day or freshly squeezed lemonade in the heat of July, the home cheers its inhabitants while not being wearisome or ostentatious.  It’s not about the show; it’s about ministering to souls with gentle, thoughtful, grace.  And the homemaker who lives there calls frequently upon the Blessed Mother for the grace she needs to see to the all the details with calmness and composure.

The ladylike homemaker goes about her daily round with one purpose:  to live as God wants her to live. It does no good if her house shines from top to bottom and her drapes coordinate perfectly with the upholstery and she has hand-glazed all her walls if she has done it all to impress her neighbor and she has been less-than-gracious to her children in getting it that way. We want to be perfect as our heavenly Father is perfect, not as the lady across the street is perfect.

So what does that mean for a house with seven children, a dog, a traveling husband and a baby on the way (which means a mom of limited mobility and energy)? To some degree, it means lower standards and higher goals. It means I can’t be on the phone the way I was yesterday morning--trying to talk, barking at my kids, and becoming increasingly frustrated with everybody’s imperfections (not to mention their lack of cleaning finesse). It means I need to take a deep breath and think about how I want our home to be when we welcome our baby. What’s really important?  Order? Yes. Beauty? Definitely.  Comfort?  Certainly.  Peace? Absolutely.  Perfection?  Only in God’s way, in God’s time.

The corollary to the task chart...

The corollary to the the task chart, of course, is that you must teach a child how to do the chores and you must accept, if you assign the task to a four-year-old, that the chore will be done as well as a four-year-old can do it.  Sometimes, that is considerably well.  Other times, the four-year-old simply does not do the task as well as a 44-year-old. He just plain can't. Our children do not come to us fully equipped for adulthood.  Furthermore, this is a process of learning. Children do not come wired to hear something once and to understand it and implement it every time for ever more. That's why we have about two decades to train them before we launch them. Instead, they come knowing very little about practical life and they are dependent upon our patience and perseverance to learn the lessons they need and to learn them well.

So there it is again.  In order to improve our children, we must improve ourselves. We must be patient.  We must show them again and again how to complete something well. This requires some acceptance on our part of the limitations of the child.  If you want your house to look like it's been cleaned by a team of capable women, hire a team of capable women.  But if you want your children to care for your house, work with them to do the best you all can and then accept that you are not a team of capable women.  You're all still learning.

We must persevere in outlining the steps involved in a job well done and in holding the children accountable to the clearly delineated standard.  We cannot do this from an Easy Chair.  We cannot hang a  chore chart and tell them to consult it and expect the house to be clean at the end of the day. They are not maids for whom we leave a list and a check.  They are children who need our constant care and guidance. We must move with them, beside them, working together towards all matter of goals.

We're working towards a clean and orderly house, to be sure.  But we're also working towards loftier goals:  a spirit of cooperation,determination to do a good job, gentleness and sweetness towards each other as we work, even gratitude for the house we keep and the work it entails.  These are goals beyond a child's understanding.  They must witness those attitudes in their parents, they must absorb them from the atmosphere in our homes and in the goodness of our demeanor.  And they're not going to get it from someone who commands and directs.  They'll only truly learn it from someone who journeys alongside them--who works,both manually and spiritually--striving to do well.