In the Heart of my Home

{This Moment}

This boy received another college acceptance letter this week.

And the reality of how much these two will miss each other keeps crowding my feelings of utter joy for him. Raising children is bittersweet, no?

Joining Amanda to stop and notice the moments.

Needle & thREAD

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Hello! Sewing this week is dedicated to making tops for the girlies. When I wandered through the stacks of fabric stashed in the sewing room, my eyes were riveted on my Anna Maria Horner shelf. My heart has so been with Anna these days. As she mourns the loss of her mother, she awaits the birth of her daughter. What better way for me to spend the day praying for her than to delight in those lovely voiles I'd set aside for "something special?"

    I admit I'm a little nervous. Voile is definitely slippery and the cutting took longer than usual. And it's a bit "fancy" for everyday for Katie, but she loves the fabric and there was nothing else I wanted to sew. Nothing in the world. Won't you all pray along with me for her?

    Reading? We're all about Shakespeare. I'm taking my Shakespeare Fridays plans (there's a detailed reading list if you click the link) and coming alongside Christian while he does a college Shakespeare course. I'm really, really excited about this because all my kids are the perfect ages to make it work. Pictured above are some of the books for Christian's class. His textbook is Screening Shakespeare. He's reading Othello, Hamlet, Much Ado About Nothing, and Midsummer Night's Dream. And he's watching these movie versions (some of which aren't going to happen for my little ones;-):

Much Ado About Nothing

Hamlet

Othello

A Midsummer Night's Dream

 

from Shakespeare's Storybook

I've long loved my own Shakespeare plans and I'm so happy to be revisiting them. This is Christian's last few months as  part of our learning community before he heads off to college, so why not make it a Shakespeare Summer?

~

What about you? Reading? Sewing? How do you keep your kids reading through the summer? 

 

Mommy, I love you!

Sarah, my 4-year-old, has this quirky habit of blurting, “Mommy, I love you!” or “Daddy, I love you!” at random moments throughout the day. By our estimates, she does it 20 times or more every day. It’s endearing and pretty darn cute, but sometimes it causes consternation. Is this blurting appropriate? If she were saying something else, would we be worried?

So, I started paying careful attention to when she says it. After about a week of noting the times and locations, I’ve noticed a few things. Some of them still seem random; she just has to get that out there. Some of them are very deliberate. If I am stressed, if we are hurrying to get somewhere, if I’ve just lost my temper with one of her siblings (or with her), if I’m exceptionally cranky, Sarah gets in my face and says, “Mommy, I love you.” Every single time. Please read the rest here.

 

Sponsor Spots

There are a few sponsor spots available here for the summer. If you have a cottage business or something fun and/or useful to offer my readers, I'd love to extend an introductory offer to you. Please email me at intheheartofmyhome AT gmail DOT com for more information.

Gathering My Thoughts

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::noticing God's glory

We spent lots of time in the yard last weekend. Kristin started plants indoors late in the winter and she brought her little baby tomatoes and peppers over to plant in our ground yesterday. After much weeding and dirt hauling, a few new whiskey barrels, and a trip to deBaggio’s, my little piece of suburbia is looking much greener.

::listening to 

The cappuccino machine in the orthodontist’s office. Seriously, this guy makes me want to start drinking coffee again. Then again, his tea selection is impressive, too.

::clothing myself in 

Lightweight jeans above my ankles and an oxford cloth shirt. My feet are happily ensconsed in crocheted TOMS, a Mother’s Day gift from Mary Beth.

::talking with my children about these books

Shakespeare. Christian is taking a Shakespeare course this summer and I’ve seized the opportunity to immerse us all in the bard once again. His first assignment was to read this article and a few others. Well, that’s interesting! Perhaps Shakespeare wasn’t the Shakespeare we thought we knew? I’m planning to tweak these plans, gathering baskets of books today.

::thinking and thinking

that I wish I could see myself the way my husband sees me. Particularly when I’ve been stung by the words of another woman, Mike’s insight is always such a revelation to me and I come away from our conversation wishing that I could just see through his lens occasionally. 

 

::pondering prayerfully

“When we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” 
― Henri J.M. Nouwen, The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey

You know? I think this one suits me again this week.

::carefully cultivating rhythm

Could we please talk about email management this week? There are currently 1265 unread “new” emails in my inbox. These do not include blog emails. Clearly, I am a poor email manager. Everything pretty much gets dumped into the same box (except blog mail). I read it (or not) and then move on. If I know it’s an ad or whatever, I’m likely to just skip it. Why don’t I delete it? I have no idea. I never archive. I never trash. It’s just a giant mess. So, how do I clean it all up and unclutter without losing something I might actually need or missing someone with whom I might need to connect? Oh, and I’d rather not spend hours fixing this. Ideas? Suggestions?

::creating by hand

The girls need some summer clothes as soon as possible. My sewing mission is critical. This week, I’m focusing on tops.

::learning lessons in

time management. Always. But more than that, I think I’m learning lessons in emotional investment. There’s only so much of me. Where is the best place to invest my time and emotional energy, even my affection?

::encouraging learning 

It’s been about five years since I made detailed plans. I think, back then, that I was planning on paper (or digitally) because those plans gave me a sense of security and maybe of control. To some degree, they were also a creative outlet. Sharing them was an opportunity for community. But then Sarah was born and we leapt as a family into a new season. Somehow, I’ve been propelled into an incredibly active existence that leaves me little time for pondering with pen and paper or even keyboard...

Besides, keyboards make me ache: my neck and shoulders and fingers and wrists. Writing is laborious. Words have long been my constant companions and, in many ways, my comfort and joy. They still are. Giving them voice in print, however, is exceedingly challenging for a myriad of reasons. I remind myself all the time that God has a plan. 

::begging prayers

for our prayer community, particularly for veterans and their families, who still struggle mightily with scars both seen and unseen.

::keeping house

I’ve started to get some deep cleaning, decluttering, and organizing in the works. My house looks very neglected lately (probably since I haven't been home nearly enough to keep things running smoothly). I’m trying not to go after it all gung-ho. My style has always been to make a long list and then prusue it relentlessly until the job is done and I’m totally spent. That’s not going to happen this summer. I can’t afford to deplete myself that way. So, I’ll chip away at it, certain that no tragedy will befall us because my house isn’t ship-shape perfect.

::crafting in the kitchen 

I’m going to roast chickens from our co-op tonight. I’ll smother them with herbs from our garden and garlic from the farmer’s market. Alongside, we’ll have summer squash from the farmer’s market and a salad with greens and beets from the same farm. Nothing inspires me more in the kitchen than local food with which to create. 

::loving the moments

When we manage to squeak out a date night despite the ridiculously demanding weekend kid schedules.


::giving thanks 

for good news and the promise of new beginnings.

living the liturgy

This is not some earthshaking revelation, just a simple truth: the most effective way to live the liturgy is to go to Mass as often as possible. It’s all there, available every day. You don’t need a craft closet. You don’t need a grocery shopping list. You don’t even need much advanced planning. You just need to show up. And a priest who gives relevant homilies is plus, too.

::planning for the week ahead

Tomorrow is orientation at James Madison University for Christian. Mike’s taking him. I’m going to spend my day with Mary Beth at physical therapy and Stephen at a soccer match. I will be actively working to silence my inner teacher that would very much like to hover.

 

Nutcracker auditions are this weekend. See? It’s not my imagination. There is no offseason.

 

Stephen will play in the State Cup semi-finals on Saturday. If he wins, the finals are Sunday. It’s seems so incredibly unlikely that we could have two state champions in the same year. We are, however, only two games away. Say a prayer for him? It would be most unpleasant to lose this one;-)

Memories Captured on an iPhone last weekend:

Lord, Hear Our Prayer

The internet is a formidable force for bringing the comfort and consolation and hope of the Lord to all of us. It can be an incredibily powerful medium for community. There is an unfathomable resource for prayer here. We have on the 'net the privilege of praying for people and of being witness to the miracles brought forth when fervent, faith-filled people pray for one another.

Let's be that community of hope and faith for one another.

How about this idea? What if I pop in here every weekend, share Sunday's gospel and talk a wee bit about how we can live it and pray it in our homes? And then you tell me how we can pray for you that week? Deal?

{And please, do return and let us know how prayer is bearing fruit.} 

Gospel

JN 16:12-15

Jesus said to his disciples:
"I have much more to tell you, but you cannot bear it now.
But when he comes, the Spirit of truth,
he will guide you to all truth.
He will not speak on his own,
but he will speak what he hears,
and will declare to you the things that are coming.
He will glorify me,
because he will take from what is mine and declare it to you.
Everything that the Father has is mine;
for this reason I told you that he will take from what is mine
and declare it to you."

Think

"Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and start with the person nearest you." ~ Mother Teresa

Pray

In the crazy busy of my days, I beg the Holy Spirit to make me aware of the person He intends for me to help. Moment by moment, show me. Make it obvious. Propel me forward to be your hands and feet.

Act

It is the craziness that is the end of May. In a recent impromptu poll of mothers gathered at a sporting event, it was decided that May is far more stressful than December. So, I'm going with that scientific research. It's crazy right now.

Go outside alone today. Whether it's unseasonably cold or as hot as July. Go outside. Breathe in what He offers. Close your eyes. Face the sun. Roll your shoulders back and down. Make yourself stay there.

Be still.

And know that He is God.

Showing Up

Last weekend was intense. I left with the girls on Friday early afternoon for what I thought would be a little over an hour's drive into Maryland. Four and a half hours later, we arrived at the dance competition. Traffic is not a happy thing. 

I settled the girls Friday night at the hotel and Mike and I compared notes one more time. Saturday would find me leaving the hotel at 7:00 to go to the competition. I would return at 11:45 that night. Mike would take Nick to Richmond for the State Cup semi-finals and then return home to watch Patrick play at 7:00 that night. My dad and stepmom would meet Mike in Richmond, with Patrick and Zach in tow.

Back at home, Michael would take Stephen to his State Cup quarterfinal match. After Stephen's game, he'd pick up Mike's parents and get them to Patrick's game. He'd also be sure that Patrick's clothes for prom arrived at his game so that he could do a quick change and make the last 45 minutes of the dance. 

Over the course of the day, we noted some missed details: a corsage, dinner for Paddy, whether Nick would stay in Richmond or not. With enough people wholeheartedly engaged, we gathered up those details, too.

Mike and I were in constant contact via text message. Phone calls aren't really practical at a dance competition. It's way too loud.

Around 2:30, while walking with Mary Beth and Katie to lunch, it became apparent that my 12-year-old was going to play in the State Cup Finals the following day. State Cup is really big deal. A really, really big deal. Nicky is the youngest of five boys. Five super athletic boys. They have won state championships. They have been named MVP. But no one had ever won State Cup the very first time they played. No one won as a 12-year-old. Big, big deal.

I thought about how long it had taken me to go north and how much further south I'd have to go. I thought about how early I'd awakened after the worst night's sleep ever. I thought about the little girls and how they would not be happy about another long car ride. 

"Mom, you have to go. It's really, really important," Mary Beth urged. Really? Is it that important that I be there? Do they really even notice if I'm not there?

"He wants us all there, Mom. He said so. As many of us need to get there as possible."

I recalled a little girl scanning the stands for a spectator who would never show up. Over and over again. She's all grown up now, but she still scans the stands and it still brings tears to her eyes.

It matters when we show up. It matters for a long time.

The girls and I went back into the competition and Katie danced her solo. I sat up front and caught her eye. Those eyes twinkled back at me. She danced beautifully and was jubilant after her performance. Then, she realized that Karoline had accidentally missed seeing her dance. She fell apart, a sobbing mess in the dressing room. "I've been to all her rehearsals and she's been to all of mine. We've worked together. How could she miss it??!!" Karoline fell apart, too. She was genuinely heartbroken to have missed it. Some of the drama, no doubt, was just plain fatigue. But most of it was this: We are a family woven together by the sharing of experiences. Being there matters.

Showing up is for both of us: parent and child. When we show up, we share the big moments; that's true. We share the highs and the lows. But we also share the little moments. We're there when they lean in to whisper a little thing. We're there when they want to snuggle in the dark. We're there to giggle late into the night as if we were all ten years old. We're there. And they know that they can find us when they need us.

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{the view from my lap}
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I started making plans for a very early departure the next morning. A teacher happily volunteered to take my big girls, get them to Mass, and then to competition. They needed to be there all day, but they were only in two large group dances and Mary Beth wasn't even dancing. I wouldn't miss much and they both wanted me to be at Nick's game. Another friend volunteered to get them home. We'd stay in touch all day via text message.

I tucked sleepy little girls into the van and took off into the still dark fog. We took the "long way" in hopes of avoiding the traffic that had been so persistent. Sarah was predictably carsick and that set me back about half an hour. Providentially, the game before Nick's went into overtime and then penalty kicks, which put me there right on time--4 hours after leaving the hotel.

It was a good game, a glorious afternoon. Nick is the goalkeeper and he shut out the opposition. His coach called him the "Backbone of the Team" and awarded him the Champions trophy. For the little brother, it was a Very Big Deal.

We gathered as an extended family for a celebration dinner and then got stuck in ridiculous traffic all the way drove home. 

 

Granddad can no longer get there on his own, but get there he does. Always.

My dad and stepmom. They've witnessed the highs and lows and fully appreciate the enormity of State Cup Championships.

Sweet girl is a good sport. Late night, early morning, long drive--she was sound asleep the moment Daddy lifted her into his lap.

He took his place behind the goal and there he stayed. He's been in this little brother's ear since the day he was born. This day was no different.

 

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Big brothers:  Christian, Stephen, Patrick and Zach--all determined to do what they could do from behind the fence. Christian got a ride from Harrisonburg and made it in time for kickoff.  (Zach isn't "really" a brother, of course. Zach is Patrick's roommate. They were on the US National Team together and now they are together at UVa. Since Zach's from Michigan, he spends breaks and weekends at our house. Zach and Paddy are living in Charlottesville this summer.There was about a month's gap between moving out of the dorms and into their apartment, so they're living with Grandpa and Barbara. Hence, Zach's a brother;-)

This is the moment when the whistle blew and the championship was sealed. It's pretty fun that Nick had the ball in his hand!

This is the State Cup Squeeze. The last time there was a State Cup Champion, Sarah was asleep in a front pack. She slept through the celebratory hug that time, too.

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For our family, showing up is often about sports and dance. But it's also about sacraments. And birthdays. It's about the impromptu balloons and steak supper the very day after the State Cup when Christian received happy news.

It's about stting in the parking lot while they practice in the rain, sitting in the dance studio for the fourth hour on a Monday because she wants you there to help her change her shoes. For some families, it's about a hike every Sunday or about an hour every day dedicated to the garden; it's the Boy Scout campout in the biting cold or the trek to the debate tournament.  

Sometimes, we miss things. Honestly, lots of times, we miss things. There are nine of them and two of us. It's logistically challenging never to miss. But we are intentional and wholehearted in our attempts to be there. Showing up is what we teach our children. Families are there for one another. Showing up is the default mode. We plan to show up.

Because it matters.

 Weekending at Habit of Being

needle & thREAD

I have no sewing to report this week and really, no reading either.

I've done a lot of this:

{photo credit: Karoline}

head on one of those awesome cozies, inhaling essential oils and trying hard to clear my sinuses. 

Regardless of the state of my head, I do have a small sewing task to complete today. I need to sew these patches on these jerseys. The jerseys are made of that wicking athletic polyester. The patches don't have any sticky backing or anything else exceptional about them. Both the patches and the jerseys are irreplaceable though, so I'm open to advice about the proper way to do this. Would someone tell me exactly the right way to sew these on to the sleeves? (And yes, I now have given away the ending to my State Cup post. But I'm still going to write it up;-)

What have you been up to? I think I have another day on the couch to just click around. What's happening in the sewing world? have you seen any great ideas? New fabrics? Fun inspiration? Please pass it along:-)

Pardon the interruption,

but we have some good news:-). So the blogging schedule for the week is pre-empted.

Yesterday, a little after 4:00, I was sitting at the dance studio, merrily uploading State Cup pictures from the weekend. Sarah was dancing. Katie and Karoline were playing with the delicious baby who belongs to one of the teachers. Mary Beth was supervising my picture efforts. 

My cell phone rang (yes, it's back). Christian's name flashed on the screen. His name on my phone never fails to evoke a physical response. My heart lurches into my throat every. single. time. (1) Christian hates the phone. He'd rather starve than use the phone to order pizza. He avoids it at all costs. (2) Christian is intense, high-need, and prone to crisis. (3) When you add 1+2, it means that Christian's name on the screen propels me into crisis management more often than not.

It was Christian. He sounded like he was crying. My heart started pounding furiously.

No, wait. This is GOOD. He's calling with GOOD news!

"I got in! I got in! They WANT me!"

And about ten years of stress melted away.

He had set one goal. He considered only one college. And he took the hardest, most uphill path I have ever seen to get there. But get there he did. To tell the whole story would be to give away pieces of my heart and his. Those are not mine to give away.

But please know how grateful I am for your prayers for this boy. I am quite sure they sustained us. (And don't stop praying;-).

I did a happy dance right there in the studio and scooted out to buy balloons and a celebration dinner. It was a very happy evening.

Then, last night, I slept more soundly than I've slept in a very, very long time.

Tomorrow, I'll tell you about State Cup.

 

Lord, Hear Our Prayer

{This was supposed to auto-post yesterday. My apologies! Have a beautiful Monday. I'll be back tomorrow to tell you all about a crazy-happy weekend!}

The internet is a formidable force for bringing the comfort and consolation and hope of the Lord to all of us. It can be an incredibily powerful medium for community. There is an unfathomable resource for prayer here. We have on the 'net the privilege of praying for people and of being witness to the miracles brought forth when fervent, faith-filled people pray for one another.

Let's be that community of hope and faith for one another.

How about this idea? What if I pop in here every weekend, share Sunday's gospel and talk a wee bit about how we can live it and pray it in our homes? And then you tell me how we can pray for you that week? Deal?

{And please, do return and let us know how prayer is bearing fruit.} 

 

~*~*~

Gospel

JN 14:15-16, 23B-26

Jesus said to his disciples:
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.
And I will ask the Father,
and he will give you another Advocate to be with you always.

“Whoever loves me will keep my word,
and my Father will love him,
and we will come to him and make our dwelling with him.
Those who do not love me do not keep my words;
yet the word you hear is not mine
but that of the Father who sent me.

“I have told you this while I am with you.
The Advocate, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my name,
will teach you everything
and remind you of all that I told you.”

Think:

 “The person who possesses Christian meekness is affectionate and tender towards everyone: he is disposed to forgive and excuse the frailties of others; the goodness of his heart appears in a sweet affability that influences his words and actions, presents every object to his view in the most charitable and pleasing light.” -St. Francis de Sales

Pray:

Infuse me with your Holy Spirit, Lord. Especially when it's hard, help me to meet the eyes of another with a genuine smile. Infuse me with sweet affability.

Act: 

Francis de Sales said it took him 20 years to conquer his quick temper. No one ever suspected he had such a problem, because his usual manner of behavior was overflowing with good nature and genuine kindness. Choose just one person in your life towards whom you will be perennially meek and sunny. When you've mastered that one, add another.

Liturgical Time Giveaway

I'm keeping step with Michelle at Liturgical Time today. Come along?

Tell us about your background. What path led you to the work you do today?

I have always felt drawn to head covering in private prayer and in worship, particularly in the presence of the Blessed Sacrament.  This led naturally into creating my own veils and subsequently to creating them for others.  I feel particularly blessed to have the opportunity to create head coverings for praying women because I believe that praying women, through the power of Our Lord, can be a tremendous blessing to a broken world.

 

How do you come up with new designs and ideas for veils?

We try to “think outside the box” and create unique veils that will offer a variety of women choices that they love. We have been particularly inspired to create veils that women who are new to head covering can feel comfortable wearing. That was the impetus for the development of our Eternity Veil which can be worn as a scarf and then discreetly pulled up over the head to form a veil.  We also create a variety of chapel veils which have long enough sides to allow “kerchief style” tying. We find that many women feel particularly at home wearing their veils in this fashion, rather than allowing them to hang free.

 

You mention that your veils can be worn in everyday life. Can you tell us a little more about that?

We are blessed to have women from a variety of Christian backgrounds as customers.  Some of our ladies choose to wear head coverings on a daily basis for reasons related to modesty, and/or to augment their devotional and prayer lives. Often, those who purchase head coverings for daily wear choose from our cotton headscarves, which are similar to wide headbands, or our more casual triangle-shaped kerchief style in lovely prints.

 

 

How do you combine your work and your family life?

Our work is very much intertwined with our family life.  Once upon a time, we had a lovely dining room and formal living room. Now, instead, we have a former dining room table which serves as a cutting table, a sideboard which stores trims and packing materials, and a space brimming with lace and fabric.  Everyone in the family participates in responding to inquiries, managing orders, creating veils, and packaging our creations for shipment.

 

 

Is this contemplative work for you? Do you pray as you create?

This is absolutely contemplative work.  I find repetitive stitching to be an excellent vehicle for contemplative prayer. We also pin the name of the recipient on the each veil as soon as the lace it cut. That name follows the head covering through to completion, allowing us to pray for the recipient every time her veil is in our hands.

 

 

What’s the product you are most excited about in your shop right now?

We have enjoyed creating a variety of Eternity Veils. Finding new laces and fabrics for them is exciting. We also love making our matching child and doll veil sets. Creating special veils for little girls and their dolls is always fun.

 Click around the lovely Etsy site and find your favorite veil. Leave a comment and tell us which one you like best. You might just win it! We'll give away one up to a $42 value.

 

The winner is

KackyK  who said...

The Dark Chocolate Eternity Veil is my favorite...but really they are all beautiful!

 

This Moment

needle & thREAD

I love to sew with Oliver + S patterns. For over a year now (almost two years?), I've been telling you I learn something new every time I use an Oliver + S pattern. I've lost count of the times I've used the free Popover Sundress pattern for both girls and dolls. So, what new could there possibly be to learn?

This time, I adapted the pattern for Katie (#1 new thing: adapting a pattern to size up). The pattern stops at an 8 and she's a 10 or a 12. Then, I shortened it to make it  a tunic (#2 new thing: shortening a pattern into something else entirely). I had the new pattern all drawn and ready bright and early on sewing day. Three hours later, Katie still couldn't decide on fabric. Those straps take a deceptively large amount of fabric because they're cut on the bias. We don't have a big selection of solids. Actually, you're looking at the only solid color we have. And Katie has grown so much that a yard of main fabric isn't enough for her, even for a top. So, we must have unfolded and re-folded everything in the stash before I suggested this Ladies' Stitching Club fabric (#3 new thing: sewing with a border print). I learned that I should have eliminated the curve in the hem when using the border print, but it was easy enough to fix at hemming time. I also used French seams on this one, not a new skill, but one I haven't used since Cari thaught me 21 years ago on a christening own. I remember thinking they were so cool back then!

I really love the finished product. I think this top will be darling with capris in the dog days of summer. Katie is delighted. As I rearranged the girls' clothes for the seasonal shift this morning,  I recognized that we are coming very, very close to the end of Katie's little girl clothes days. This makes me so sad--for her and for me. I wish there were a teenaged equivalent of Oliver + S and that both mothers and daughters could love sewing clothes together well beyond the elementary years. 

I picked Kristin Lavransdatter off the shelf last night when I went down to retrieve my copies of The Great Gatsby. (Notice how suddenly it's cool to read Gatsby? It's in demand in this house and there are no copies in the library.) Several years ago, there was lots of chatter about Kristin Lavransdatter. I bought a used copy and started to read. I couldn't get into it at all. I learned that I had bought a bad translation. I bought a much better translation, but never got very far. We'll see how it goes this time.

 

What are you sewing and reading this week? I am eager to hear!

What's on your summer reading list? Do you have a summer sewing list?  Or are you embroidering? Pulling a needle with thread through lovely fabric to make life more beautiful somehow? Would you share with us just a single photo (or more) and a brief description of what you're up to? Will you tell us about what you're reading, also? Would you talk sewing and books with us? I'd love that so much.

    Make sure the link you submit is to the URL of your blog post or your specific Flickr photo and not your main blog URL or Flickr Photostream. Please be sure and link to your current needle and theREAD post below in the comments, and not a needle and theREAD post from a previous week. If you don't have a blog, please post a photo to the needle & thREAD group at Flickr. 

       Include a link back to this post in your blog post or on your flickr photo page so that others who may want to join the needle and thREAD fun can find us! Feel free to grab a button here (in one of several colors) so that you can use the button to link:-).

 

 

 

Just when I run dry, He showers buckets of grace

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I am the mother of a large family. Some would even call it a “very large family.” I have nine children. I’m sensitive to the stereotypes of mothers of large families — they swing from neglectful slobs who can’t possibly pay careful attention to each child to patient saints who seem unfazed by the inevitable chaotic challenges and create order with a smile. Please read the rest here.

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The only picture with her godfather. I'm so bummed it's blurry.

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My dear friend Carmen, Kari's Montessori teacher.

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This wonderful priest celebrates the 20th anniversary of his ordination today. Say a prayer for him?

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Healthy Ways to Give and Get Love

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I've resolved to finish both the book studies begun here. I noticed that both of them petered out in the fall, one last year and one the year before. I figure if I start now, I can finish them both before whatever happens in the fall that makes me not able to finish things.

We were on Habit # 7 of The 10 Habits of Healthy Mothers.

Meg Meeker writes:

"We start to dream about her future because we want more. Maybe we want more than we had, whatever that was or wasn't. We want her to be polite because we weren't. We want her to come home during her summers in college because we never wanted to. She'll have a perfect mom. Our daughter will be the lucky one. We'll give her everything we missed.

"Can't you see? Early in our son's life, we lay out our hopes and dreams, not based on who he is, but on who we are. While we say that we will let him be who he wants to be and that we will love him unconditionally, the reality is, none of us mothers can actually do that. When we go to give him our love, our own needs become kneaded into that love and pretty soon, love can feel messy. But it doesn't have to be."

Ah. That collision of hopes and dreams with the reality that pains mothers so much, particularly as their children move through their teens and early twenties. We have talked about that before and you had plenty to say. It's interesting to me that I think I read this chapter differently than I did two years ago, when I first began this study and first read this book. I think that's because I'm more practiced in collision care. Happens all the time: they don't act according to my perfectly scripted daydreams. It doesn't always go as I'd hoped. Actually, it frequently doesn't go as I'd hoped.

"We fear that if we admit that it's going any way other than what we'd hoped, we'll also have to admit that something is broken in our children, or that something is off in our mothering. Neither of these is a fun thing to accept and so when it comes to feeling humbled or hanging on to a slow burn, we opt for the latter. Being angry is safe. It is easier to swallow than admitting that something is cracked. And it protects us from further hurt."

So let's just get that admission  out of the way right now. Let's say it aloud to one another: My kids are broken and so am I. If we can tear down the illusions of perfection and even the expectations of perfection, we can be genuine support to one another. Think about it: how approachable is the perfect woman in the PTO? How eager are you to share a cup of coffee and a heart-to-heart with the lady who has it all together? Let's struggle together. One point that several people spoke to when we listened to the Pat Gohn podcast was the pain caused by competition in friendships. I think we compete with each other and I think we compete with the ideal version of ourselves and our children. Chances are, we learned to do that from our mothers, who had their own ideal versions of themselves and of us, carefully guarded and perpetuated. Depending on how unhealthy this was, those lessons in accepting nothing less than the ideal can be very well ingrained.

It's not too late. We can learn this lesson. Our survival depends on it. If we can give and get love in a healthy manner, we will age beautifully. If we cling to the old paradigm, we will become lonely, embittered shriveled-up old women. I mean that. Nothing will age a woman faster than trying to make her children into something God never inteneded them to be. I promise you that your vision--no matter how lovely--is not God's vision. His is better. It might be really messy getting there. Nothing will make you uglier and more miserable than tightening your controlling grip when love goes awry.

Dr. Meeker suggests four ways to give and get love in a healthy manner.

#1 Take Calculated Risks

This means mom goes first. We tell them first how we feel, we apologize first, and we express our needs aloud. It's a good thing to be vulnerable and to take risks with our love. It's not a good thing to lock our hearts up in a chamber of anger in the hopes we won't be hurt again. With this vocation, comes ample strength and grace to do what we need to do. "If you lay your heart on the table and the person doesn't respond, you handle that. In reality, you can handle far more disappointment than you think you can." What you can't handle--really, truly--is to walk away with your lips pursed and your fist clenched inside your pockets. What you can't handle is anger. It will kill you.

#2 Don't Take Loved Ones So Personally

I think this one is my biggest change since I first started this study. Every time one of my children rejected a component of my Perfect Picture, I took it personally. What was wrong with my ideal? Why deviate from that plan? As they grow, there is great joy in seeing who they are unfold, in seeing the Creator's fingerprints on them. It is somewhat startling, I think, when we begin to recognize that the road to becoming who they truly are is strewn not with rose petals but with all matter of debris. The idyllic path is actually not often trod. Most kids take one of the messier routes and frequently they don't want us along for the ride (or at least they think they don't). They tell us so rather bluntly. Sometimes, "they have temper tantrums directed towards us and try to pull us into their private tornadic whirl."  This can be quite startling, to say the least. Tornados suck mothers in. We believe the anger in the vortex. 

"We can't afford to do this. When we are hurt by loved ones, we must stand back and assess their words as if we were mothers of toddlers. No, they aren't toddlers, but this helps us be more objective about the problem. When a loved one hurts us...review the words as thogh they were driected at a friend, not us. By removing ourselves from the moment [even if the moment is a season long], we can objectify the words [or actions] and try to see if they are reasonable of not."

#3 Learn to Read Loved Ones and Let Them Read You

The best resources on reading a loved on and letting them read you are Gary Chapman's books. I cannot recommend them highly enough:

The 5 Love Languages

The 5 Love Languages of Children

The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers

"Many mothers show love to their kids by cooking their favorite meals, driving them everywhere, or buying them gifts. While our intentions are good, these gestures don't ensure kids feel loved. Certainly kids learn to appreciate the work we do for them as they mature, but in the meantime, it is important to find the small things we can do to let them know that they really are loved by us. While they are growing up in our homes, much of our interaction with our kids is negative because we are correcting them or disciplining them. So find out what makes each child feel loved. When you do this and express it, it will come back to you tenfold.

#4 Express Love Even When You don't Feel Like It

Just be a big girl, already. Quit whining and complaining. Don't stay stuck as an adolescent. Do the hard things. Do them well. And do them gratefully. 

"Let's not be foolish The best love relationships require rolling up our sleeves again and again and saying a lot of things we really would rather not. Love requires that we take a deep breath and ask loved ones to forgive us for acting like jerks. It requires saying "no" to our kids and then being willing to reinforce the "no" for hours afterward. It means telling daughters that they can't wear teeny tops and skirts to school even when they wail and cry that kids won't like them. And it demands that we have the "talk" with our sons and daughters over and over about sex too soon with too many partners because hurt always follows. We do these things because we love our kids, but nothing is easy about doing any of them. "

~ ~ ~

And it's not just about the kids. One of the greatest predictors of happy mothers is happy marriages. That doesn't mean it's impossible to be a happy single mother with happy kids. It does mean that the path is smoother for women in happy marriages. And by golly, ladies, we have to work at making marriage happy.

"So when a spouse drives us crazy, we must draw on the same internal gift that we use with our kids. Instead of complaining, we need to focus on appreciating him." When we live this model of appreciating over complaining, counting blessings instead of itemizing annoyances, we create a climate of love. Children learn from watching us. Let them learn genuine love in action.

{{This post is the 11th in a series discussing The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity.}}

The rest of our discussions of  The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers: Reclaiming our Passion, Purpose, and Sanity can be found here. 

Part 1(discussing Habit 1)

Part 2 (still discussing Habit 1)

Part 3 (still more on Habit 1)

Part 4 (Habit 2: key friendships)

Part 5 (Habit 2: your thoughts on friendship_

Part 6 (Habit 3: Value and Practice Faith)

Part 7(Habit 4: Say No to Competition)

Part 8 (Habit 4: Say No to Competition)

Part 9 (Habit 5: Create a Healthier Relationship with Money)

Part 10 (Habit 6: Make Time for Solitude)

 

Disconnected

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It's been nearly a week since my iPhone suddenly stopped working. I made a call to my husband that went off without a hitch. Then, I tried to text Colleen. My phone popped up a message that said there was no SIM card. Since there had been a SIM card three seconds earlier for the phone call and I was sitting the same place, with the same phone, I figured it was a little cyber hiccup. Tried again. Same message. Colleen is in the jungle in Costa Rica; only God knows where half the texts I send her actually go. I tried to text Katherine. Katherine is in very civilized Dallas. She has a fully functional iPhone. It didn't work. I tried calling home. Nothing. I tried calling Mary Beth. Nothing. 

Over the next couple of days, I backed up everything on my phone and then deleted and reset. Well, I tried to reset. One cannot reset without a SIM card and my phone continues to insist I don't have one. After two very disappointing trips to AT&T and Apple, I still don't know why my phone doesn't work. I do know that, at the time it suddenly quit working, I was 24 days past my warranty. 

My husband is going to try to see if he commands more respect from either AT&T or Apple. Mike spent all last week in Miami. Just as he arrived home for the weekend, his studio in DC flooded. My sense is that between catching up at the DC office and mopping up at the DC office, phone relacement for me is going to slip a bit on the priority list. I'm actually fine with that for now.

It's become a bit of an experiment. I decided not to fight it too much. This was as good a time as any for an Instagram break. I set a limit on Facebook to 5 minutes a day, mostly just to check local groups with  pertinent kid information. And I promised myself to embrace this opportunity to re-think my habits before getting a new phone.

I figured it would be a day or two. It's not, but God knows I'm a slow learner.

I do miss my phone. First, I miss it for the genuinely important things. There are at least three life-or-death situation text messages I have not read. Two are from friends facing tragic illness. One is much happier. When one of my friends in a tragic situation told me on Friday that she was worried I was mad at her because she'd been texting with bad news for three days and I hadn't responded, I felt terribly. I had put the word out on Facebook that my phone was out of commission, but that's not very reliable, is it? She and I made a promise to have a good, long face-to-face chat. Still, though, I'm haunted that I wasn't there to help in the moment.

When my phone first died, I felt very out of sorts. My phone, for better or worse, is an integral tool in many of my habits. I quickly learned that I check my mail far more often than necessary. Still, since I wasn't checking mail, I nearly missed the email demanding that I fax Stephen's sub order before a deadline or leave him to go hungry on a long out-of-town soccer trip. I've been checking too often, but how often is enough? I have no idea. One of the reasons I wanted a smart phone was because so many people associated with my children assume everyone has one. Checking mail whenever, wherever makes my mom job more efficient.

My prayer routine was seriously affected. Nearly everything was tied to my phone. I've since transferred prayers and such to paper, but I do miss the ease with which it was all there, ready and waiting. And I miss my chapel bells. On the other hand, I like very much that my phone isn't the last thing I put to bed at night these days. I think I will continue to keep night prayers in paper format even after I have a new phone.

I miss my iPhone camera. Ideally, its absence will force me to get to know my new camera and lens. My iPhone was instrumental in developing in me an eye for capturing moments in pictures. Before my iPhone, my brain always processed even the simplest things in words. I did--and still do--think in narrative. After getting an iPhone--now 1 year and 30 days ago--I began to think in pictures too. Or, maybe I always thought in pictures, but now I had a tool for capturing those thoughts with images. I miss that. A lot.

And I am pretty bummed that I missed the virtual waiting room texting party while a small group of us prayed for Patti as she labored and delivered her baby boy on Mother's Day. Early in the labor (the day before Mother's Day), I got an "I'm so sorry your phone doesn't work" email and I suggested that updates be texted to Christian's phone. Poor Christian, it was more than he really wanted to know! Poor me. Christian passed along news when it was convenient, not as it was happening. I had promised Patti to pray and pray I did. I didn't need to know the details. God knew. So often, when we get a prayer request, we press for details. Those details don't make us better prayer warriors. They just satisfy our curiosity. So, I prayed without knowing the updates in real time. I will admit, however, that I broke down on Sunday and asked for Mary Beth's iPhone so I could log out of her Instagram account and on to my own, only to see pictures of Patti's baby.

I was very late to the cell phone party. Everyone I knew had a cell phone when I first got mine for Mother's Day, 12 years ago. It was a super simple phone. I didn't want a phone I could take with me, but our house was on the market and our realtor really thought it was a good idea. I rarely called anyone but Mike. And when Mike called me, he could almost never reach me. It drove him nuts. I always deliberately left the phone in the car. I figured I only needed it when away from the house, so why even bring it inside? If it was in the car, I wouldn't forget it. I existed that way until about last year.

Until 1 year and 30 days ago, I didn't have a smartphone. I didn't even have a QWERTY keyboard. And I didn't much mind. I really wanted an iPhone for the camera. Since acquiring a smartphone, I've learned to appreciate text messaging. Mostly, I love to be able to send little notes to my husband and children. With Mike, I flirt. With my kids, it's so handy to be able to text, "Dude, I just put Sarah to sleep AGAIN up here. I don't care if it's overtime, do not yell at that TV, no matter how great the goal." And yes, I write it all out, just like that, with commas and such, because by golly, if we are all going to being writing so much more than we used to, let's practicing writing well.

Frantic bedtime texts aside, I am definitely missing being able to text my kids. I didn't recognize what a great tool texting has been in staying very connected to my teens.

When my phone first went down, I posted to Facebook. I was looking for suggestions on fixing it and I wanted to let people who usually call or text know that I was out of touch. Gretchen wrote this comment:

I haven't had a cell phone since December...sadly, that coincides with the date I lost all my friends. I am completely isolated from all my real life "friends."

I replied: do you still have a home phone? Can you call that way? Can you email them?

And she said:  I can call them or email them...but, most people want to text so they won't call me. I have a whole blog post going together on how the cell phone/internet ruined real conversations and friendships.

I thought she must be exceptionally unlucky in friendship. I have since discovered that there is a certain degree of truth to what she's saying. People are in the habit of texting instead of talking. It's been very quiet around here, despite my repeated attempts to persuade people to call my home phone. And of course, I'm much less available to those people because I'm only available when I'm at home. It's been really interesting to see how that dynamic works. It's also been very heartwarming to know that there are some people in my life who will always find a way to share.

It's going to be at least a couple more days until I have a cell phone again. I'm still thinking for that perfect balance of use. Surely, most people who read this will think I'm overthinking and it's ridiculous.

Regardles the outcome of this experiment, I need to cultivate a big camera habit. I have no pictures of the beautiful Mother's Day dinner Mike and Christian crafted. I have no pictures of Patrick (and Zach), bearing roses and surprising me with a visit on Mother's Day. I have no pictures of the glorious place where Nick played soccer. Well, actually, Mike took about a zillion pictures of Sarah there and they are wonderful. I asked him to send them to me, but he must have sent the small files. They're all pixelated. Maybe I can share those tomorrow. There no chance I'm calling the flood zone (from my home phone) and asking him to send the large files.

Mary Beth did grab the big camera a few times last weekend. Nick and I spent several hours on Saturday trying to tame the jungle that wants to be my rose garden again.They were mostly prickly weeds and it was slow going. Thank goodness for Christian, who bagged eight lawn bags full of the debris. I was undistracted by texting or by photographing. We made great progress, but there are still plenty of weeds to pull. Maybe once they're all gone, a phone will appear. Or maybe not.

For more about the lovely chair (including a tutorial) and for an introduction to my new favorite blog, click here. You will be so glad you did.

needle & thREAD

{Sorry this is late; my model needed a little extra beauty sleep before her photo shoot this morning.)

.

Good morning!

I've got real quick sewing update for you. I made Karoline a popover sundress. It turns out that it did, indeed, take about as long to make as the doll one I made last week. I have fabric all cut and ready to make Sarah a matching one today. Katie and I talked about how cute it would be to make summertime tops out of the same pattern, just hemming them at about a high hip length. Unfortunately, the pattern stops at Size 8. So, I'd have to re-draft the pattern on my own for Katie. I'm mulling the possiblities, doubting my ability to modify, but swaying with her earnest pleading. It looks like Leisl did draft it, but I don't think it's out there anywhere...

I'll report to you next week.

My reading this week is re-reading. I never finished the book study of The 10 Habits of Happy Mothers or the one of Mission of Motherhood. I'd like to finish both in the next few weeks. So, re-reading it is!

What are you up to? Stitching? Reading? Tell me about it!

 

 

I think I have an idea...

I finished knitting Katie's sweater just before Karoline's First Communion. So, she got to wear it with her Easter dress on First Communion Day. She was thrilled. Me? Not so much. It's full of mistakes. I wish I knew what they were. I mean, I know they're mistakes, but I don't know why. A girl can't learn from her mistakes unless she knows why. My plan is to photograph all the mistakes and email them to a friend. 

I was thinking yesterday about how I learned to knit. True, Elizabeth came one weekend and overwhelmed me with knitting love. I didn't really get to learn much that weekend, though. Then, Ginny unraveled my knots in real life. That was good. But I still didn't know how to knit. It was important to Elizabeth that I learn, so it became important to me. Carmen became dedicated to the cause, too, and suggested a pattern and sent me the link. Elizabeth dyed and spun the yarn and then tutored me through 5 or 6 of those sweaters via email. Katherine has encouraged every step of the way, via email or Instagram. Ladies, I learned to knit on the internet! This makes me giggle.

 I'm going to email my mistakes to Carmen and try to learn a little more. 

The internet has exploded in the last ten years--there's so much we can learn here. I dug out a very familiar book the other day. And I started re-reading. I think I wanted my younger self to give my now self a good kick in the pants. It worked. I'm sprucing my education plans here.

Someone (actually, more than one someone) wrote to me and mentioned how much she'd like to see me update and republish Real Learning. I've been reluctant. For whatever reason (or for a myriad of reasons), I've never been inclined to re-publish.

One day recently though, Aimee offered an idea that does appeal to me. Actually, Mary Beth, Christian, and Aimee each offered the idea separately, but it didn't really seem feasible until I talked it all through with Aimee.

What if the new version of the book weren't a book at all? What if it were a workshop? Eight or ten installments with various chapters from the book, all updated with links and photos and video. What if the "Words from the Wise" section checked in with veteran homeschoolers and what if we created community? What if we set aside a small space online to encourage one another to educate our children wholeheartedly (whether homeschoolers or not)? What if we engaged in conversation and those of us who have been at this a long time recommitted to our ideals, while sharing hard-earned wisdom with younger moms whose enthusiasm is contagious? Yes! I'd like to see the book become a big idea like that one.

What do you think?

 

Join Ginny for more tales of reading and knitting.

Happy Birthday, Christian!

Twenty-three years ago, on May 6, doctors warned us that we'd never have another baby. We hit our knees. We begged for a miracle. Really, really begged.

We welcomed Matthew Christian into our world two years later. 

Our miracle. 

Not a day goes by that I don't look at him and say, "Thank you." 

I'm so grateful for this boy, so very grateful.

(video credit: Mary Beth. Many thanks to Stephen for digging through boxes to find pictures.)

Lord, Hear Our Prayer

The internet is a formidable force for bringing the comfort and consolation and hope of the Lord to all of us. It can be an incredibily powerful medium for community. There is an unfathomable resource for prayer here. We have on the 'net the privilege of praying for people and of being witness to the miracles brought forth when fervent, faith-filled people pray for one another.

Let's be that community of hope and faith for one another.

How about this idea? What if I pop in here every weekend, share Sunday's gospel and talk a wee bit about how we can live it and pray it in our homes? And then you tell me how we can pray for you that week? Deal?

{And please, do return and let us know how prayer is bearing fruit.} 

 

Gospel

JN 14:23-29

Jesus said to his disciples:
“Whoever loves me will keep my word,
and my Father will love him,
and we will come to him and make our dwelling with him.
Whoever does not love me does not keep my words;
yet the word you hear is not mine
but that of the Father who sent me.

“I have told you this while I am with you.
The Advocate, the Holy Spirit,
whom the Father will send in my name,
will teach you everything
and remind you of all that I told you.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.
Not as the world gives do I give it to you.
Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid.
You heard me tell you,
‘I am going away and I will come back to you.’
If you loved me,
you would rejoice that I am going to the Father;
for the Father is greater than I.
And now I have told you this before it happens,
so that when it happens you may believe.”

~ *~

Think

“The splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily
do not rob the little violet of it’s scent nor the daisy of its simple charm.
If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness.” 
― Thérèse de Lisieux

Pray

In the springtime, God, I see how varied the splendor of the flowers is and I know that people, too, are varied, each of us with our gifits, each of us with our own missions. Help me to see, dear Father, your plan for me. Help me to bloom in the warmth and light of your Spirit. 

Act

Gather a bouquet. Go outside and gather God's goodness. If you can't pick, capture images with a camera or with pencil and paper. Whatever you do, take the time to notice the beauty of the springtime (or the autumn, if you happen to be down under).